Friday, 27 March 2020

They seek him here, they seek him there, Those Nazis seek him everywhere


It was my day off today and due to the Coronavirus I spent most of it at home …again … so to escape the 4 walls I switched on the television and found by accident one of my favourite old WWII propaganda films – Leslie Howard’s “Pimpernel Smith”.  

One of Leslie Howard’s breakout roles as a film actor came in 1934 when he starred as “The Scarlet Pimpernel” in the original film adaptation of Baroness Emmuska Orczy and Montagu Barstow’s 1905 stage play and 1908 historical novel.  

In 1938 Leslie Howard decided he wanted to make a propaganda film attacking the Nazis for their internment policies and wrote a film treatment which updated the Pimpernel character for the (then) modern times.  By 1941 there was considerable government interest in making films slagging off the Nazis and so Howard got the money to produce and direct his film and much fun was had at Herr Hitler's expense.   

It was a smash at the box office too - the 3rd most successful film in the UK of 1942.

The Sir Percy Blakeney character becomes Professor Horatio Smith an eccentric Cambridge Don who goes on archaeological digs in pre-war Nazi Germany that are thinly veiled excuses to break dissenting intellectuals (I can’t remember if it’s explicitly stated that a lot of them are Jews) out of Nazi concentration camps.  He is accompanied on his travels by a bunch of American students (presumably in an attempt to persuade the USA to join in the war) who rumble his antics in springing people out of Nazi camps and help him out along the way…   

It’s all played as a light comedy which is odd in retrospect given what we now know about what actually went on at Nazi concentration camps.  It also produces a nice line in running gags as Leslie Howard tells a succession of Nazi henchmen with a faux expression of innocence that all he’s doing is “trying to find evidence of Ayran civilisation” etc –  the implicit jibe being that he thinks that Nazi Germany is not civilised anymore…

Underneath the rather camp comedy there’s a nice thread of sinister threat.  Francis Sullivan gives a wonderful performance as General von Graum – effortlessly switching between comedy buffoon and truly malevolent bully with such grace that the clear stupidity of his character never comes in the way of his portraying the man as a true and credible threat.  Perhaps because the audience knows that the Nazis aren’t all as fun as General von Graum by the bombs that might fall on their cinema...

The main plot of the film (warning – 78 year old spoiler coming) is General von Graum using the daughter of one of the prisoners Ludmilla Koslowski (Mary Morris) as a femme fatal to uncover Leslie Howard/Professor Horatio Smith’s true identity.  General von Graum is using the threat of murdering her father to force her into spying on Professor Smith for him. 

Unfortunately Professor Horatio Smith’s idea of the perfect woman is a marble statue of Aphrodite in a museum.  Smith likes his women ideal and never ageing ... ironically Mary Morris lived much longer than Leslie Howard and suddenly I realised where I'd seen her before ...or after... as Penna in the 1984 Dr Who story Kinda...



A nice subtle touch that I’d previously missed despite watching this film hundreds of times before is that to underline Professor Horatio’s supposed asexuality there are lots of paintings of semi-naked Greek women around the place.  For example the huge canvass behind General von Graum’s desk as well as various nude paintings scattered around the embassy.  Of course it turns out eventually that Professor Horatio Smith is not actually as asexual as he imagines himself to be and he actually falls in love with Mary Morris. 

Don’t worry they both escape over the border but not before Leslie Howard has a scene in which he gives General von Graum a piece of his mind.  General von Graum boasts that Hitler is about to invade Poland and Smith replies...


Professor Horatio Smith : May a dead man say a few words to you, General, for your enlightenment? You will never rule the world... because you are doomed. All of you who have demoralized and corrupted a nation are doomed. Tonight you will take the first step along a dark road from which there is no turning back. You will have to go on and on, from one madness to another, leaving behind you a wilderness of misery and hatred. And still, you will have to go on... because you will find no horizon... and see no dawn... until at last you are lost and destroyed. You are doomed, Captain of Murderers, and one day, sooner or later, you will remember my words.

Before tricking him and skipping over the border…

Now there aren’t many films – propaganda or otherwise – that can be said to have directly affected the real world but this film really did.  Raoul Gustaf Wallenberg a Swedish businessman saw the film (at a private showing – it being banned in Sweden at the time) and it inspired him to “do something like it”.   He and others saved thousands of Jews from the gas chambers with false passports and devious trickery before...

The other thing, of course, that makes Pimpernel Smith lastingly moving is the death shortly afterwards of Leslie Howard.  Howard died in 1943 when flying to Bristol from Lisbon, on civilian KLM Royal Dutch Airlines/BOAC Flight 777. 

It was shot down by Luftwaffe fighter aircraft.  

The reason for this action against a civilian plane remains unexplained to this day with theories as diverse as …

Someone mistook Howard for Winston Churchill and it was a messed up assassination

The Nazis just shot down planes and didn’t care which ones too much

It was an error of judgement and the civilian plane was shot down by mistake

Howard was on a top-secret mission to dissuade Francisco Franco from joining the Axis powers so Hitler had the plane shot down

And possibly the most emotionally satisfying explanation (even if it may stretch credulity) - Joseph Goebbels took his depiction in Pimpernel Smith so personally he directly ordered Howard’s assassination.

The actual pilots said they didn't know why they shot the plane down but they could have been directed vaguely in the area knowing...

Well, we'll never know... the story dissapears into the fog like Pimpernel Smith himself but ...

"I'll be back.  One day we'll all be back..."
 



Thursday, 26 March 2020

How we doin'...?

Yesterday there were 136 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346.  That statistic doesn't really tell you much on it's own as to how well we're fighting Coronavirus as a nation though so I thought I'd do a bit of statistical analysis.

I looked at the raw statistics of the number of confirmed cornonavirus deaths per country and divided it by the number of confirmed cornonavirus cases per country.

I then removed all countries with less than 1000 cases on the basis that that probably isn't a large enough mean sample size to give reliable data from.

I then removed Countries from the stats that did not have reliable recovery data or who had a recovery number of less than 100 on the basis that it doesn't look like the virus is fully established there yet and there hasn't been a long enough throughput of cases from infection to full recovery to give a reasonable estimate of the likelihood of recovery in those countries.

After that I got this graph...

....so Italy has the highest death rate and at the moment we're in 5th place behind France, Spain and Iran.  Now it may be some countries are better at recording their data than we are but all in all it's a bit poor, isn't it?  I'm not sure what these stats truly signify I just did them as a back-of-the-envelope calculation out of curiosity.  But what do you think?  Because I think we should all move to South Korea.  If you want to play at making your own graphs the raw data is here.

Late update...

There are 181 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346

For an updated version of these stats - see here

Tuesday, 24 March 2020

128 today

128 today. Went to pick my new glasses up.  Specsavers woman had to hand me through the door. Car MOT cancelled.  Corona's on offer so I got some.  Been attempting to watch Series 11 of Doctor Who to pass the time.  Had to go back in time to series 3 to cheer myself up...

This town is becoming like a ghost town...

Monday, 23 March 2020

Only 1 more today

There are 85 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346

Boris has told everyone to stay home.  It's very quiet in Sainsbury and the shelves are starting to fill again.

No Thanks


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Sunday, 22 March 2020

This is awful I can't pretend to be out

There are 84 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346...

(yesterday I said there were 86 but this was a typo - there were only 81)

...and I've realised the most awful thing about this virus ... it means when relatives ring up I'm always in.

I can't just ignore the phone and pretend that actually I was out ...even if I wasn't.  Worse because everyone else is stuck at home they've got nothing else to do but ring me up in the evening.  Worse than this I've got nothing to tell them either since I am at the moment basically paid by the state to do nothing and I can't go out and do anything because I'm not allowed to go anywhere.

Well, I could go to Wetherspoons as the nasty piece of work who runs it says he won't close any branches.  All those years when I was worried that if there was any trouble at the club then it'd endanger the pub's licence...... All the pubs who've been shut over the slightest fisticuffs off premesis.. like the original XS Malarkey...

Now the tight pillock from Wetherspoons says he's going to incubate a deadly virus in his venues and licencing Committees aren't closing every single one...?

There's only one thing worse than Wetherspoons and that's germ warfare...

On the plus side the curve may be flattening... Only 3 more cases since yesterday.

Saturday, 21 March 2020

81 today

There are 81 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346

I seem to have no customers anymore and bizarrely be paid by the government just to exist.

It's all going mad in the supermarkets.

Other than that there is a dismal solitude in London streets.

Friday, 20 March 2020

Recursion



There are 68 confirmed cases in Croydon, out of a local population of 385,346.
It was 46 earlier today.  

As more people test the stats go higher and higher…

Went to the supermarkets today.  All the tinned food has now gone and most of the frozen but Sainsburys were doing their best to restack.  Booze is starting to run short too… at least the beer.  

I think the panic buying is a good example of recursion.  The more people imagine there to be food shortages the more they panic buy and the more the government tells them not to panic buy the more they imagine there must be food shortages.  This reinforces the panic buying mentality until everyone's shopping list is a Fibonacci sequence...



People keep sending me links telling me to buy/enjoy their content online as all public places have been closed.  Which reminds to me I should probably plug my books since you’re all sat indoors with nothing else to do…


Boris was on TV again today promising to spend his way out, offering 80 of the wages of the affected and offering a bigger safety net for the unemployed.  Maybe we should have deadly viruses more often.  I believe that after the Black Death everyone got a lot richer because when the world population dropped from 475 million to 350–375 million that meant there were less people to do the work … I wonder if any of those eco-puritans who don’t have children because it will destroy the planet feel at silly when a large chuck of population unexpectedly…

Talking of which top marks to the man who walked behind a BBC journalist dressed as a plague doctor (see the Mirror here for clip)

On the plus side Petrol is down to 114p...

Thursday, 19 March 2020

It's probably a virus...



The virus outbreak continues with terrible consequences such as seeing Boris Johnson on the television every single day.  On the 15th of March there was one confirmed case in Croydon.  By the 17th there were 4 ...
...and by today the 19th there are 32.   

As I am off work this week on holiday I have been self-isolated anyway…

Went to the supermarket for Ava Alexis to find it’s all gone a bit end of days... clearly no one is afraid of Ray Daley...
 
Andrew O’Neill started sending me content because his gigs are cancelled then informed us all that he has succumbed …

A lot of children are on my television telling me it’s absolutely terrible that there’s no school and they haven’t been forced to sit exams.  How will the human race survive without bits of paper to tell each person what jobs they are allowed to do and where they fit in the social hierarchy…?  Suddenly the team structure of society is looking a lot flatter…

The inevitable bitching about who is going to pay for it all is in full swing…

Wednesday, 18 March 2020

Apocalypse Elstree

I heard someone saying the other day that there's nothing on the news except the virus... and indeed the BBC has gone full apocalypse by stopping filming Eastenders.  Oh well, it's not all bad.  Perhaps in a national emergency the last thing people need is a depressing soap opera. 

Seems they're giving up a bit easily though.  Perhaps they could relaunch as a wireless program with the actors all recording their lines separately in self isolation?  Wasn't there an episode that was just Dot indoors all alone with a tape recorder or something...? 

The most expensive squaddie in history...

Mr Starmer has responded to Mr Trump's fascist threat to annex Greenland by imposing Tarrifs on the UK that are likely to cost £15 billi...

Least ignored nonsense this month...