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Monday, 23 March 2026
Donald Trump cuts his Nose off to spite his Face.
Donald Trump today announced his new strategy for victory in the Iran War: "I'll be cutting my nose off to spite my face," he said. "Why do we need a nose anyway? It just gets in the way. I've never seen the point of noses. That's why I've decided to have mine removed. Wake up and don't smell the roses or noses everybody. A rhinotomy is the last thing the Iranian National Guard will be expecting. I'd like to see the look on their faces when they see the look on my face. I'll be having my dog's nose amputated too. People will say "How does it smell?". And I'll say "I don't know because I no longer have a nose either". And that'll sure confuse the Ayatollah. I won't be having plastic surgery either. I'm just going to have a bleeding red patch in the middle of my face. I'll be a literal bogeyman. I'm going for a Skull and Crossbones thing like the SS did. I think I may get JD to cut his nose off too. "JD," I'll say, "your nose is always brown anyway... Why don't we save time and money by just cutting it off and shoving it between my beautiful buttocks. Then you can have your nose up my arse permanently and look like me. That said I've had some serious talks with the Iranians and they say I shouldn't cut my nose off because I have a lovely nose. I know they say that I haven't spoken to them at all but that's because they want me to have my rhinotomy whether it's good for Making America Great Again or not. Whatever. I'll be putting Mucus First. And Israel. Even if it means a rhinotomy. Thank you for your attention to this mucus membrane matter."
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