Why does Facebook think I want to be a screw...?

And what kind of advert is this?  Do they really think that refereeing a punch up inside a prison is something to aspire to?  Does anyone look at these dystopian images and think "Yes, that's for me.  Standing in a gloomy room with no windows trying to split up a fight.  That's what I'm looking for out of life".  These people are not like me.  I do not want any job even tangentially related to physical violence.  It sounds about as glamorous as a visit to the dentist.  But I'm sure this will appeal to their target demographic of people who fancy a bit of a barney ...which is even more scary.  I mean, all these AI algorithms that are supposed to decide what propaganda to send to what target audience... Could none of them tell that I am ... as Frankie Howerd would have said ... erm ... a coward?  When the going gets tough, I'm off ... and the "Team" can suck it up... If indeed, I'm on anyone else's team ever.  I'm sure there are a lot of brave men and women in the prison system but I'm not one of them... And I'm not becoming one of them.  I'd rather face destitution...

NADEZHDA

Amazon MGM Studios' film NADEZHDA offers unprecedented access to the 20 days leading up to the 13th Party Congress in May 1924 -- through the eyes of the General Secretary's wife herself. Step inside Nadezhda Alliluyeva's world as she orchestrates five year plans, navigates the complexities of what to wear during purges, and decides which of her rivals to exile to Siberia. With exclusive footage capturing critical meetings, private conversations about how to Trump up charges against Kamenev and Zinoviev and never-before-seen environments such as the gulags and the inside of the Lubyanka Building, NADEZHDA showcases Mrs. Stalin's assumption of one the world's most impotent roles.  Often dismissed as just a gangster's moll who doesn't ever crack a smile, dresses in militaristic clothing and looks as though she's going to top herself at any moment, "Nadezhda" shows a different side to the General Secretary's often misunderstood wife.  Candid footage shows her buying clothes, staring into space, wandering aimlessly around the interior of the Kremlin, refusing to toast the deaths of enemies of the state because her and Joe have had another argument and accepting bribes from American billionaires.  The one person who attended the London Premier said "People have said this film is boring but the great thing about watching it on the big screen is that VUE have reclining seats so if you're homeless it's a great place to have a kip during the day.  Also as Nadezhda seldom says anything in public so it's virtually a silent movie apart from my snoring".  Critics have heaped praise on the film by a lot.  The President of the United States said "Russia is a much misunderstood country but we love Russia and Russians and that guy Stalin, he rules those 287 million people with a rod of steel and they love him for it.  Particularly in Ukraine.  You've gotta respect that.  They're people I can do business with.  I've invited him to join my board of peace.  His wife is pretty fit too.  I'd grab her by her pussy any day but she doesn't let me.  Ever."

Toe curling chinny rub of the week

 

I am settling in for a showing of ‘Melania’ and the theater is PACKED!

Earlier, a bystander asked if I was heading in to see Avatar, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Avatar? No, son,” I curtly replied. “I don’t watch woke movies. I’m here to see the groundbreaking documentary about our incredibly talented First Lady.”

The man’s two little girls began jumping up and down, pulling on his sleeve, and begging, “Daddy, we want to see Melania!”

“But. But…” he stammered, “I thought you girls wanted to see Zootopia 2?”

“No, no, NO,” they said, now nearly shouting. “We want to see Melania!! She is the most beautiful First Lady EVER.”

Their father was scrambling, stressed out, and disoriented.

“Girls, I’m afraid you aren’t the only ones who are captivated by President Trump and his beautiful wife,” I said, kneeling to get on their level. “Virtually everyone in this theater is here for the 7:30 PM showing, and it’s been sold out for days.”

Tears began to well up in their eyes.

“But…” I said in a hushed tone, “I happen to have a few extra tickets with me, and I’d like you and your dad to have them.”

They jumped for joy and began hugging their father. He looked relieved as he wiped the sweat off his brow with a smile.

I handed him the tickets and pulled him close. “Raise these girls right,” I whispered. “Teach them to be classy conservative women of faith like Melania, don’t let them become like Meghan Markle. Capisce?”

He hugged me and thanked me profusely. “What are you going to do now?” He asked. 

“Don’t worry about me, son,” I told him, with a twinkle in my eye. “I’ve already got tickets to the next showing.”

I am settling in for a showing of ‘Melania’ and the theater is PACKED!

Earlier, a bystander asked if I was heading in to see Avatar, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Avatar? No, son,” I curtly replied. “I don’t watch woke movies. I’m here to see the groundbreaking documentary…

— Nick Adams (@NickAdamsinUSA) January 31, 2026

A lot of discounted American libations in the Spirits Aisle

 

Does nobody want to buy booze from a fascist dictatorship?

It's terribly nice with ICE...

Judging a book by it's cover

 

I was pootling round that cornucopia of incorrect and ill informed opinion the other day that now calls itself X when I saw someone complaining that "they had put the film poster on the cover Emily Brontë's novel.  I thought this was the poster from some 70s adaptation but actually this is from the 2026 film which isn't actually released till next month.  I think the "Now A Major Motion Picture" tagline made me think it was a 70s book.  Of course as an exercise in olympic level snobbery this tweet had collected negative feedback at such an accelerating rate that it's cowardly author had said that they had blocked replies.  "Well, I'm sure that'll stop you looking a massive snob," I said.  I then got several more replied from nincompoops trying to defend snobbery as a lifestyle choice.  Ideas travel upwards, manners downwards.  If everyone was a snob, argued one correspondent, there would be no snobs because they would somehow all cancel each other out.  A nonsense argument.  Actually, if everyone thought they were more intelligent and better than everyone else literally nothing would get done and there'd be no cooperation because society would become extremely management top heavy.  

Some tried to argue that the cover was ugly.  I don't see anything except the two central characters.  Am I missing something?  As this was a hard sell someone came up with the alternative image below and asked "What is this?"

To which the answer is...  It's the two central characters and a tree.  The tree outside the window by which Heathcliffe is found dead perhaps.  Or a tree on the moor?  It's not my choice of design but it's the kind of cover school copies of the classics used to have in the 80s.  Really, what is wrong with these people?

Perhaps the problem is that the images are too functional and don't represent the Barbers Cartlandisation that goes on in some of these people's minds.  Or that it's too romantic?  After all, Wuthering Heights I always feel was meant as a fairly dark satire on abusive relationships... It's funny that it should become some benchmark for romantic fiction.  Then again, perhaps that's why it's so successful... You can read it on multiple levels.  Whatever... The function of book covers is to entice people who haven't read a book to read them, not to reflect back the experiences and feelings of past readers...

I was particularly amused when someone suggested I stop judging people I "knew nothing about".  Where's the fun in that? Man, your snobbery oozes from your comments like sweat.

I went to the Brontë Parsonage Museum once.  It's a creepy place.  The silent reverence of the visitors as they pass old dresses and spectacles is very sad.  To be fair perhaps this is because the Brontë's lived rather short lives, all having died of common diseases well under 40 that we can now easily cure but the atmosphere was notably different to that inside your average National Trust or English Heritage property.  It was more like a mausoleum.  I mean Dylan Thomas drank himself to death but when you visit his home you don't feel people are there to mourn like it's Princess Diana's funeral.  You have to wonder what they'd make of it all if they could see it.  I think they'd be amused.

Thank you for your inattention to this matter...

If anyone's still in doubt about the ramifications of the Andy Burnham situation let me spell it out for you.   There are 400 Labour MPs and despite many of them despising Sir Keir, not one of them has the bollocks to be a stalking horse and put up a leadership challenge.  Not even the one who has just resigned... so they have to get Andy Burnham to try and stand in a safe seat so he can but no one on the NEC has the bollocks to let him.  Neither does Burnham have the bollocks to stand as an independent like Ken Livingstone.  The problems this Labour government has cannot be solved by it's own MPs and so what has been created instead is a load of bollocks whatever way you look at it.  The reality is this government is so ineffectual, it can't even do infighting properly.  It's just pitiful.  It isn't even like Andy Burnham is some charismatic hard left alternative to Keir Starmer either.  He's just another plodding career centrist after power for its own sake and ... He's almost as deep a personality vacuum as Wes Streeting and both of them are almost as empty vessels as Sir Keir.  So there you are.  Thank you for your inattention to this matter.

The most expensive squaddie in history...

Mr Starmer has responded to Mr Trump's fascist threat to annex Greenland by imposing Tarrifs on the UK that are likely to cost £15 billion to the UK economy, possibly making this one soldier the most expensive squaddie in history.  

Private Equity said today that he was proud to carry to the economic can for Britain.  

"In the past British soldiers had to go over the top, fight them on the beeches and the landing grounds and parachute behind enemy lines.  It's really progress that today we can just keep war economic and that to start one all a single soldier has to do is turn up.  It's a testament to how terrifying we, the British Army, are that just one of us can result in crippling economic sanctions on an entire nation.  You can hear the sound of Donald Trump soiling himself every time I don my Busby.  Indeed, I often don my red ceremonial uniform just to remind me how far in the red I've made Britain."

Me Starmer, the Prime Minister, meanwhile stated at a press conference today as The World Economically Held to Ransom Forum that "We shall fight them on the European Stoxx 50 index, we shall fight them on the FTSE 100 blue chip index.  We shall never surrender the French Cac 40 or the German Dax and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were economically subjugated and starving, then our British Overseas Territories beyond the seas like Bermuda, Gibraltar and the Falklands, armed and guarded by the International Monetary Fund would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the financial foreclosure of the old."

Conspiracy Theory of the Day : Abiogenic Petroleum

 

Another day another bonkers conspiracy theory circulating the far right on X.  Today it's Abiogenic petroleum.  This is the theory that oil does not come from fossil formation but sort of bubbles up from the mantle.  It was very popular in the Soviet Union during the cold war but no one's ever been able to stand in up beyond saying that there may be a minimal effect somewhere but it doesn't make any substantial difference to the economy because each time we drain an oil or gas field it noticeably doesn't fill up again.  Neither do new fields magically pop up in unexpected places.  But it's a psychological crutch I suppose for cranks, climate deniers and other persons who have trouble dealing with the more pertinent and concrete aspects of the Universe.  

No oil or gas supply in the world has ever been conclusively proved to be Abiogenic I'm origin but since it's never possible to completely geologically survey the whole world it is, of course, impossible to prove the theory holds no truth at all but if the effect is in any way noticeable... It hasn't been noticed.

Masked Police ...

I see the vexed question of when did policemen start dressing like "Federation" extras from Blake's 7 has come up again.  I did try to find out years ago but ...

Information Compliance and Records 

Management Unit (ICRMU)

Information Management Branch 

Date: 17/05/2023

Our ref: 1788/23

 

Dear Anthony, 

FREEDOM OF INFORMATION REQUEST REFERENCE NO: GSA 1788/23 

I write in connection with your request for information dated 04/04/2023, received by Greater Manchester Police (GMP) for the following information: 

I'm watching the sentencing of Olivia's murderer on the BBC... One but not all of the policemen is wearing a balaclava. I see this more and more. Is there any reason policemen have started dressing like extras in the last episode of Blake's 7? Is it for fear of retribution? If so why only heavily armed policemen rather than ordinary ones? Is it for a practical reason ? Is he cold?

Result of Searches

Following receipt of your request searches were conducted within Greater Manchester Police (GMP) to locate the requested information and I can confirm the information requested is held by GMP. 

Any Police Officer, including Firearms Officers, can wear a mask/face covering in public to protect themselves from environmental risks such as biological, chemical or fire. 

National guidance also allows for Police Officers, including Firearms Officers, to wear a mask/face covering in public to protect the officer’s identity, this is based on threat and risk balanced against public perception.

Uniform worn by police officers, are robustly considered to provide a balance between practicality, functionality, and visual representation of the modern-day Police Service. Uniform is an integral part of a police officer’s protection against the risks posed to them while working in their role specific environments.

I often put on my snorkel parka for a criminal reason

Laila Cunningham, Reform UK's London mayor candidate stated that no one should cover their face in an open society. She added: “It has to be assumed that if you’re hiding your face, you’re hiding it for a criminal reason.”

Letter to the Editor

Dear Sir, I write most strongly to protest at the government's plans to re-enlist ex-soldiers up to the age of 65 back into the army should there be an International Crisis such an invasion of Greenland.  During the last war I was told that I was too old to fight despite being only 54.  

This was a bitter blow to my personal pride at the time but instead of drafting us into the regular army, the government set up a special unit known as the Local Defence Volunteers (later the Home Guard) specifically for gentlemen such as myself who were not quite spry enough for normal combat situations because they might need to be excused at a vital moment or had signs of early onset dementia such as continuously shouting that "they don't like it up 'em" at inappropriate moments or because they had important business activities to perform such as supplying essential supplies, managing a bank or running the local undertakers.  I would remind you that as Mr Edwin Starr said undertaking is a very important business sector during armed hostilities.  I feel very strongly that such a force if brought into being again could be far more use to His Majesty than drafting important local figures such as myself directly into the regular army particularly since I unfortunately now have considerable mobility issues which have prevented me actively participating in the renovation of Frambourne-on-Sea pier.  Indeed, I hardly get out at all since the Reverend Timothy Farthing invited me to join the invisible choir.  I hasten to add however, that I did indeed serve in the regular army during the Great War and was deployed to France in 1919.  

I've heard that modern warfare is much more about pressing buttons than physical dexterity but I can't see, for example, the King's younger brother flying a drone let alone a helicopter again given his great difficulty in seeing anything untoward going on around him.  Even if he says it is no sweat, I do not think It is a good idea.  Therefore I propose that the time has come for our Prime Minister to consider a relaunch of the Local Defence Volunteer force.

Yours sincerely,

Capt. George Mainwaring (141)

St Aldhelm's Church Cemetery 

Walmington-on-Sea 

 

When Robert Jenrick escaped across county lines

Lawmakers should not be Flyposters

Today I am most amused by Kemi sacking Robert Jenrick.  I tried to grass his for fly posting ages ago but he escaped across county lines like in a Western.  He really is one of the worst poo stirrers in the Conservatives ... Or was...

On Thu, 28 Aug 2025 at 11:01, Juliet Bravo PC2892

Juliet Bravo wrote:

Edmund,

Thank you for your Online crime report to Nottinghamshire Police re the post on Robert Jenrick of him raising a Union Jack flag.

There are no laws which say this countries flag cannot be flown. If the relevant council have an issue with where this flag was erected, this is for them to deal.

I have viewed the post and there are no criminal offences for Police to deal.

It is not flyposting as you suggest. Flyposting is pasting / sticking flyers to walls, buildings etc and you could not report this from a different county by seeing a post on Social media, the victim which would be the council for the area would have to report this. Flags cannot be flyposted and this is not illegal.

Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Regards,

Juliet Bravo

Pc2892 

Nottinghamshire Police

Contact Resolution & Incident Management, Rota 4 – Force Control Room, Remote Investigations,Contact Management

Tel : 999 Emergency number / 101 Nottinghamshire Police Non Emergency number 

Sent: Me

To: Juliet Bravo 

Subject: Re: Nottinghamshire Police - b79edeb0-83ef-11f0-bec5-8188720fb729

Hello

It surely is flyposting since the position of the government is that all flags constitute advertising and the permission of the Highway Authority must be gained before hanging a flag on the road?

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/flying-flags-a-plain-english-guide/flying-flags-a-plain-english-guide

Thank you

Anthony Miller 

On Friday 29 August 2025 at 07:14:31 BST, Juliet Bravo PC2892 wrote:

Anthony,

It isn’t, I don’t know what more I can say.

As stated below, there are no criminal offences.

If the local council have an issue with it, then it for them to deal.

You , as a person living in another county also cannot report this as per crime recording rules, if there were a crime and is isn’t.

Also, as I stated it is not a criminal offence to fly flags of the UK in the UK.

I will not be answering anymore emails as I have explained now in two emails that this is not a criminal offence and there is nothing for Police to deal.

Regards,

Juliet Bravo

Pc2892 

Me to Juliet Bravo:

I'm pretty sure that if I started putting posters on lamposts I'd be prosecuted 

no matter if I used cable ties or adhesive

like the many people who own a cat called fluffy

https://pearshapedcomedy.com/hansard.html

However, I was previously unaware that one could avoid justice by simply crossing County lines like in a Western.  

Thank you for this useful information

Anthony Miller

The Lusitania Experience

From its grand construction to its tragic end, this immersive journey brings the legend to life with stunning high-tech visuals, artefacts and unforgettable AR & VR storytelling.  

Relive being hit by a torpedo on 7 May 1915 at ten past two, 11 miles off the Old Head of Kinsale. 

It may sound frightening, but remember that as my mother used to say ..."if you survive something then it's not a disaster - it's an experience".  

So imagine you were one of the 767 survivors and not one of the 1193 who perished and you'll have the time of your life experiencing other people's deaths.  After all, there's always someone worse off than yourself so cheer yourself up with some sentimental voyerism about the people who's lost lives caused Woodrow Wilson to eventually enter the First World War.  Remember yesterday's disaster is tomorrow's virtual reality experience, marketing opportunity and gift shop.

Young explorers can create their own masterpieces at drawing stations.  Imagine you are Admiral Hugo von Pohl waging a U-boat campaign and see how many passenger liners you can sink.  Practice causing havoc not just across the continent of Europe but also on the high seas in an attempt to scupper shipping.

Enjoy our U-20 experience.  It's like a U-2 concert but in a smaller space.  Then play at being  Kapitänleutnant Walther Schwieger trying to explain to Count Bernsdorff trying to explain to the Kaiser why you've just sunk what was obviously a passenger liner after telling the British Government you wouldn't stoop to that sort of thing only the other day.  Brainstorm hilarious excuses with your friends such as "we thought it was secretly carrying weapons".  And write in the margins of angry letters from Woodrow Wilson that "this is the most insolent thing in tone and bearing that I have had to read since the Japanese note last August."

Explore life aboard the Lusitania from stunning recreations of the most lavish spaces to harsh realities of below deck life. From the first-class dining room to the third class toilets.  Experience what it's like to pour salt water over furniture first hand and see what things were like for unreal using a virtual headset that you probably could have used at home for half the price because it's a lot cheaper than building physical sets.  

You'll completely forget that you're in a small warehouse on the south of the river Thames that no one knows what to do with because it stands on poisoned land occupied by an old gassworks.  Imagine seeing the Lusitania magestically floating down the Thames even though she sailed from Liverpool.  No point in mounting an experience there as they aren't silly enough or rich enough to buy our overpriced tickets.  

Remember it's a day out.  Like wandering aimlessly round a shopping centre but without having to make decisions to spend money because you already paid.

Experience the suffocation induced by the submersion of the mouth and nose in a liquid that many aboard Lusitania would have experienced by experiencing our new Waterboarding experience.  Don't be scared, it may feel like dying but all our waterboarders have been highly trained by the best at in the business at the technique at a US Army base [Note: Entry to the Lusitania Experience also includes Free Entry to the Guantanamo Bay experience].

See the many articles never recovered from the seabed because the wreck is 93m underwater and you need to use mixed gasses and the wrek is covered in depth charges, hedgehog mines, fishing nets and sediment.  No watches, no plates, no jewlery, no cups and saucers, no clothes and no souveniers.  There's literally nothing to see here!

Note : The VR experience may contain some flashes at the point where the torpedo hits the ship and during the secondary explosion in the engine room which may trigger epileptic seizures.

If Britain was invaded...

 "If Britain was invaded and, in one day, about 8,000 Brits were murdered, mutilated, raped, and kidnapped near London, what would you do?"

Same as last time.  Make a tapestry.

The two Dons

The Trump Twins today have offered to invade Greenland.  "Greenland didn't know it wants to be invaded by America but it does... By a lot.  If we don't invade then it's sure that Russia or China will invade even though they've never said they were going to.  Therefore we kindly offer to invade first to stop them being invaded.  We plan to offer lots of other countries our protection too in order to prevent them being invaded".  The two Dons say they think that International Law has had it's day and a new doctrine is needed which will be called the DonDonroe doctrine in which countries extort whatever they want from each other by offering protection services.  They say their long term plan is to replace the United Nations with a new organisation which like Your Party doesn't have a name yet, although popularly mooted names include "The Bigly Firm" or "Our Thing" which will be translated into Italian to help it appeal to people from the old country.  The Trumps say it is an offer you literally can't refuse.

Meanwhile, Don brothers' enforcer "mad" JD Vance said "the people of Greenland are going to have self-determination.  We hope that they choose to partner with the United States, because we're the only nation on Earth that will respect their sovereignty and respect their security.  We would hate for something bad to happen to Greenland and it can happen so easily.  It would be very bad if they fell into the hands of someone unscrupulous. We've put a lot of work into training our police to work in their harsh weather conditions by setting up a special unit called ICE."