Lambeth Council Answer my FOI request about how it handles leasehold properties

Some time ago (longer than I care remember) I put in an FOI (see here) to Lambeth Council asking them some basic questions about how they handle repairs in Leasehold housing.  The Council said it couldn't answer the questions because it was an invasion of privacy for the other leaseholders.  So I pointed out that not all the questions I asked were person or property specific.

I also made the point that if the Council can't answer questions about its properties because people live in them then that means it can't answer any housing questions whatsoever as almost all Council properties have someone living in them.

The case then escalated to the Information Commissioner's Office who then reverted back to the Council's original line of argument that it couldn't answer any questions at all because people lived in the property and I repeated my argument that not all the questions were property or person specific.  After I had told them that the problem wouldn't go away simply by them repeating the same information back to me over and over as if I had learning difficulties...

The ICO then argued that the release of information under FOI constituted publication to "the whole world" to which I responded that I did not necessarily intend to publish it and even if I did I doubt that anybody would be interested.  I also made the point that just because you publish something on the world wide web does not mean anyone will read it.  First they would have to google it and secondly the website in question would have to have a large enough search engine ranking to show up.  I believe this website sometimes gets as many as 30 hits an article - who can cope with that much public exposure?

I further made the point that once the Council releases information under FOI it no longer has responsibility for its dissemination under FOI and this is the whole point of FOI.  By this point I had completely forgotten why I had put in an FOI and my need for the information had now long passed but who cares?  We got there in the end. 

Well, almost there.  4 out of 6 questions answered isn't bad - particularly since the lady who answers them is based in conveniently Winchester - a mere 64 miles from Lambeth.  Apparently the Council doesn't understand the last two questions so can't answer them...?  I haven't the patience to reply...

That said it's interesting at least the answer to the first question.  Perhaps this explains why the Council like to leave scaffolding up for so long even if there is no work being done ... if the leaseholders are paying for it by the day.  Mind you even that question is only partially answered as it doesn't break down the who the costs go to but ... who cares now?

Dear Mr Miller

With regards to your request for information, we are able to provide the following further response:

“Is scaffolding a free Council service? If not how much does it cost the leaseholders and the Council?

No. The cost for scaffolding is calculated according to the length of time advised by the contractors to complete the works to the property / building.

Does the Council have any sanctions for continual lease violations?

We do not  have sanctions as such but will take enforcement action where necessary for any breaches of lease such as non-payment of services charges.

Why does the Council not inform leaseholders before putting up scaffolding?

Our normal practice is to inform all residents in the building.

Why do Council subcontractors not give written notice of visits as they are supposed to under schedule 4 section 2 (with 3 days’ notice)?

The normal practice is to give written notice of all visits.

Is it the Council's policy to sell the Freehold of a duel dwelling property without the consent of both parties?

No. The councils website has information on this  https://www.lambeth.gov.uk/council-tenants-and-homeowners/homeowners/buying-the-freehold-guide

Is it true that the Council is exempt from right to buy laws with regards to the freehold?

We are unclear exactly what is being asked here; please can you clarify this part of the request?

Is it the Council's policy to sell the freehold of such properties?”

We are unclear exactly what is being asked here; please can you clarify this part of the request?

We hope this is helpful; please clarify the last two questions and we will provide a further response

Kind regards

Jane Shields LLB LLM
Policy & Communications Manager
(FOI Co-ordinator)
Corporate Complaints Unit
P.O. Box 734
Winchester
S023 5DG

The art of grassing with Tracy Ann

For some time I have been ignoring Tracy Ann Oberman on Twitter.  A task I have achieved with some success due to a facility known as the block button despite the fact that she's always all over it spewing endless tweets that are like a form of rhetorical urticaria.

For those of you who are unaware of her Ms Oberman is Jewish and talks a lot about the Labour Party and anti-Semitism.  She does acting stuff and writes for the Jewish Chronicle and if one was to believe her tweets it’s pretty much like the Dreyfus Affair in Labour these days…   

                   A Labour party CLP meeting

This may well be true (I cannot say as I left the part a few years ago for pecuniary reasons) but she seldom fully identifies what she’s complaining about in detail so I can’t go into more detail than that but she does go on and on … on this subject.  If you go over to the Spectator there's a compedium of every anti-Semitic incident in Corybn's Labour so I don't want to waste time and internet space repeating it.  Besides anti-Semitism in Labour must be a big porblem because Tracy Ann keeps telling us that it is to a point which I found tedious...  So I pressed the block button.

As I understand the anti-Semitism crisis in the Labour party … Tracy continually calls Labour party members anti-semitic and they call her other names in response and this cycle continues endlessly with neither side being able to compromise.  Perhaps this is because there is no possible compromise.

Anyway, being a coward who doesn’t want to get involved, be labelled anti-semitic etc I walked away mentally and pressed the block button on Tracy some time ago... which I thought was something of a success for me.   

But blow me down… I was only reading the Metro the other day and she’s banging on about only suing all people on twitter who disagree with …sorry libel her.  The alternative options of blocking them or shutting her own cake hole being seemingly no use in this situation but ...  well… I’m not saying she’s got nothing to complain about but isn’t it a bit obsessive screenshotting every single less than flattering tweet…?

…she also seems very sure that everyone who hates her is part of an organised conspiracy run out of Labour Party HQ …which seems unlikely simply because I don’t think the Labour party under Corbyn is that organised… (I get this impression from the fact it has just split).  Also if we're going to reference Westerns I would question her strategy based on the number of times the "man with no name" wins...

As I say I try very hard to be ignorant of all this but never-the-less out of sheer self-publicity-persistence she has broken through my carefully constructed wall of ignorance about her via the Metro.  Oh dear… 

Call me old fashioned by there just seems something nasty about threatening everyone who disagrees with you or even is rude to you in this way.   

I suppose I’m allowed to say this as I have only 371 followers … but … 

I think it was Arthur Daley who said "Nobody likes a grass, Tracy......" besides which the penchant of her solictor for going round threatening all and sundry with litigation and demanding addresses does not seem to me entirely in line with the pre-libel protocol for litigation (see here).  Should he not be identifying first the exact words complained of and the redress requested (for example removal and/or compensation) in the first instance in order to attempt to settle the matter out of court?  Instead he seems to claim that he needs to go to "great expense" to recover the accused's addresses when there is no pecuniary need for this (as far as I can see) at this particular juncture.  Besides which going after 70 people at once seem to me as at best something of an expensive scattergun approach to justice or at worst ...?

The Chamberlain of London politely refunds me but admits no wrongdoing

I successfully appealed my PCN from the City of London on the grounds that the letter they send out is mathematically misleading.

The letter threatens to increase the £65 charge by 100 per cent if not paid within 14 days but neglects to explain that if the driver mounts a challenge then the 14 grace period restarts from the point at which the City of London recieves the letter as explained on the authority's website.  

Not content with doubling the charge the letter then threatens to tripple it if not paid within 28 days which it describes as a "50 per cent increase" when I actually make it a 200 per cent increase.  This achievement in sophistry is achieved by arguing that the charge is actually £130 and will be discounted by 50 per cent if paid within 14 days and increased by 50 percent if not paid within 28 days.  Whereas in all practical terms the charge is £65 - trippled if you don't pay within 28 days.   

I also argued that the letter is wrong under the terms of Wednesbury unreasonableness because it claims that a charge can never be reversed once paid which denies the agency of the City of London in cashing the payment and argued that since I had sent them a physical cheque which is a push-pull transaction then they must have exercised invidiual agency during the act of cashing it and that it is not legal for an authority to deny responisbility in this way.

The Chamberlain of London says he is very sorry but he has no control over the wording of his letters - they are entirely dictated to him by Act of Parliament...

City of London PO Box 270, London EC2P 2EJ
Switchboard 020 7606 3030
www.cityoflondon.gov.uk
DX 121781

Penalty Charge Notice (PCN): CL55350099
Vehicle Registration: GK13BZF
Department of the Built Environment
Carolyn Dwyer BEng (Hons), DMS, CMILT, FCIHT
Director of the Built Environment
Telephone 020 7332 3366
Minicom 020 7332 3545
Fax 020 7332 3776
Email pto@cityoflondon.gov.uk

Our ref CL55350099
Case Officer
S McGregor

Dear Mr Miller

Thank you for your communication in relation to the above PCN. Your email has been
passed to me to respond as the relevant manager. I apologise for my delay in replying.
I appreciate your frustration with the PCN letter sent to you. The wording on that letter is
prescribed by law so we are limited on the information we can put on the letter. The reason
the discount rate exists is to encourage motorists to pay without challenge and to reduce
administration on both sides. In practice most, but not all, local authorities will keep the case
at the discounted rate whilst dealing with any challenge from the PCN recipient. This is the
most practical approach we can take within the legislation and it is not deception.
In relation to conditional payment, unfortunately this is also not permitted by the regulations.

The payment address is in Sheffield and the appeal address is in the City of London. Payment
is an acceptance of liability so our contractor in Sheffield will simply present the cheque
which is why we have a clear notice on the PCN which says to not pay if you wish to
challenge the notice. It would take Parliament to change the legislation for our notices to be
clearer.

I have however reviewed your case and cancelled it under the terms below. The refund
should already be with you. Please let me know if it is not.

The PCN was issued to the above vehicle for failing to comply with a prohibition on certain
types of vehicle (motor vehicles) - only buses and pedal cycles allowed Monday to Friday
between 7am and 7pm. This is because the above vehicle has been seen to have passed
through a sign prohibiting certain class of vehicle from accessing Bank Junction during the
restricted time(s).

Since Monday 22 May 2017, the ‘Bank on Safety’ experimental traffic scheme, aimed at
reducing collisions and improving road safety, became operational meaning that only buses
and pedal cycles are able to cross Bank Junction, Monday to Friday, between the hours of 7am to 7pm. Other vehicles will be rerouted via advanced warning signs on the
approaches to the area and the junction.

The Court of Common Council approved a report on 13 September 2018 that
recommended making the experimental scheme permanent and as of 25 September 2018
the scheme came permanently into operation.

The Bank Junction comprises the approaches of Princes Street, Threadneedle Street, Cornhill,
Poultry, Lombard Street, King William Street and Queen Victoria Street.
Blue bus and cycle only signs are displayed at the entry points of the restriction. Advanced
directional signs are also in place to give advance warning to the restriction to further assist
with alternative routes.

A further selection of maps and information regarding the restriction including loading areas,
vehicle length and access routes to each of the approach arms can be found at
www.cityoflondon.gov.uk/bankonsafety.

Having given consideration to your case, I have taken the decision to cancel the PCN as a
gesture of goodwill and a warning of the restrictions in place.

I would add that this should not be viewed as a precedent for any future cases as we look
at each and every case individually upon its merits.

Furthermore, the City expects all drivers to comply with any restrictions that are in place and
should you receive a PCN in similar circumstances it may be enforced.

Minority Report

Tell me if Im wrong...

Theresa May had 318 MPs
The Unionists had 10 MPs
So the government when elected had 328 MPs
You need 326 to form a government (650/2 + 1).

So if 3 Tories have resigned Theresa May and the Unionists only have 325 MPs
You need 326 to form a government (650/2 + 1). 
So they are running a minority government
without a supply and confidence deal in place.

Isnt that unconstitutional ?

Tell me if I'm wrong?

Shouldn't we have a general election or something?

ISIS calling, ISIS calling ...

There’s only one thing worse than Brexit on TV at the moment and that’s Shamima Begum.  ISIS having been defeated Shamima now wants to come back home so her daughter can get NHS treatment.  Her previous two offspring having died of being born into a war zone Shamima now wants our sympathy.  A one woman hot button issue she pervades my TV night and day with her untidy mouth and grating accent... 

For journalists seem to love filming her – in the same way that rubberneckers like looking at car crashes.  Please give it a rest!  The woman is just so tedious.  Blessed with all the charm of a bag of drawing pins she says things like “it wasn’t her intention to be a poster girl” as if anyone would put her on a poster.  Most of her other comments aren’t even cogent enough to relate or analyse yet they are poured into my home as if they mean something. 

Watching journalists feed her self-incriminating leading questions is like watching a child lift up a stone to see if there are any creepy crawlies underneath to play with.  Not that she needs much prompting to show her support for the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant has not diminished.  But she tries to look and sound not a fanatic … and fails over and over…

Then again she clearly struggles to put her thoughts into anything vaguely resembling coherent (let alone cogent) sentences and comes out with muddled thinking that we’re all supposed to analyse seriously. 

The bleeding heart lefties say that she was groomed and can’t be held accountable for her actions (despite the age of criminal responsibility being 12 last time I looked) and the right have nothing but scorn and vitriol.  “All twelve year olds are stupid politically,” say people who have grown up to be stupid politically. Maybe I was a bit of a stick in the mud or maybe it was just a lack of opportunity but I don’t remember committing treason when I was 12.  The right can’t wait to cast the first stone…

But really I think her problem is that she was just a bit thick.  She seems to think Syria under ISIS was just like “anywhere else” but with a “few bombs”.  The fact that she has 2 dead children by the age of 20 is not something she can connect with ISIS its self…  Save us.  You can see why she was so easily recruited to ISIS whenever she talks … there’s little between the ears.  Well, there doesn’t seem to be much… either that or she hides her intelligence well or… who cares… leave her there - it's Darwinism at work...

Why did these girls join ISIS?  Well, let’s just say we can see the appeal of a cult that says women should not be educated to women who don’t want to be… Honestly it makes you appreciate William Joyce ...

Berger's 7

So farewell then Mike Sour Grapes...  I will miss Mike Grapes.  It’s always nice for a party to have people who really don’t fit in and Mr Grapes has been constantly critical of successive party leaderships for as long as I can remember – he is almost the Greek Chorus of the Labour party.  He, with the other veteran backbenchers in the gang of 7, has jumped before they are deselected by their constituency parties. 

Yes, they are now going to be Independent.  I can just see them saying they are going to “do politics differently” like Andrew Pelling – who proved that if you spend £20,000 you may just make back your deposit.  Or perhaps they will be as successful as the SDP which (according to Wikipedia) had (for the year ending 2008) 41 members.  In 2017, the party had a total income of £2,094.83, no principal authority councillors and two town councillors.  Today it has Patrick O'Flynn MEP who defected from UKIP.  Come back David Owen – all is forgiven.  Well, almost all … I loved the SDP / Liberal Alliance – a party with not one leader but two (both called David) …who could ask for more? 

It all goes to show the problem with Jeremy Corbyn’s plan to return power to the “grassroots” of the party… Once elected MPs can do what they like.  Therefore however many elections Labour party members have the power always really remains with the parliamentary party and ultimately parliament.  For while we can now recall MPs for a custodial prison sentence of a year or less, suspension from the House ordered by the Committee on Standards or a conviction for providing false or misleading expenses claims being a turncoat is unfortunately not a criminal offence.

Jackpot247.com and the Closed University

Today I am very tired.  Yesterday I was very tired so went to bed early only to wake up early in the morning.  So I switched my TV on to discover that ITV from 40 minutes past midnight to 3am is now one long giant casino.  Fixed odds betting terminals may have been banned from the high street but shift workers like me are secure in the opportunity that they can now always lose their money suddenly after a very long shift.  It’s a mystery to me – a man who grew up in an era when Sid James used to have to slip out the house surreptitiously to the betting shop to carry on his accumulators behind his wife’s back – how the gaming industry get away with being so out in the open.  As beer and fags become ever more taboo it’s more and more incongruous how shameless and invasive gambling and gambling advertising has become… it seems to get in everywhere … I may have excluded rats and mice from my kitchen finally but I’m sure I shall go in one day to find that someone has set up a casino in the fridge.

Moreover I also seem to remember when adverts and TV programs had to be separated by an iron curtain … adverts and product placements were not allowed in content and visa versa.  These rules have been relaxed for a while but Jackpot247.com takes it to a whole other level.  The program is the product (gambling) while also the advertisement (for gambling). It's like QVC if the presenters had had their personalities surgically removed.

Indeed so successful is the financial orobous that is Jackpot247.com  that I’ve been watching for over an hour now and have seen no advert for any other service or product whatsoever.  None is needed because this is a 2 hour 20 minutes advert for gambling.  And it’s so dull - there's no variety because there is ultimately only one product... at least with QVC you can laugh at some of the tat they sell.  Two young ladies in sparkly dresses stand in front of screens and wheels and invite viewers at home to phone in their money.  People do.  It’s as thrilling as a Blue Peter charity appeal “Totaliser”.

I have many vices.  I even enjoy beer, cigars and even the odd flutter or scratchcard but how people get hooked on gambling is beyond me.  Yet they do – it ruins lives.  If you wonder why here’s a story ... 

Once upon a time I was interviewed for a job by a gambling company who were interested in me since I know about arcane rapid development languages such as TCL TK.  Now, I have a degree in physics but even I found it difficult to understand some of the higher level mathematics employed to separate the punters from their hard earned and grappling with it was enough to put one off gambling for life… Not since I got turned down for a job with a missile manufacturer have I felt so intellectually out of my depth (I don’t know why they rejected me – I mean it’s not rocket science, is it?) … Because the people who run gambling are incredibly smart which makes the odds of beating them...?

Years ago I used to go to the Tottenham Court Road Casino because it was one of the few places in Westminster one could get a drink after hours.  However, even the prospect of subsidised booze could not induce me to stay long in the rooms of people with dead eyes pulling one arm bandits or staring blankly at tables while bouncers hover in the corners. Gambling is like the ring in Lord of the Rings - when the novelty of going invisible subsides people find that they are unfortunately permanently invisible to society.  Even lottery winners become invisible ...as they cower away from the prying jealousy that results from unearned wealth.  Jackpot247.com has one thing up on real physical casinos and that’s that there are no dead eyes and lost souls to see – those are out there beyond the studio.  Safely going bankrupt in privacy…

Okay everyone’s got to earn a living …even turf accountants … but come on … is there no better use for a premium digital freeview channel at night than this?  I mean I wasn’t expecting the return of the Open University (after all that’s now pay for content) but Jackpot247.com ?  Is that really where we are as a society? In fact if you think about it this is the reverse of the Open University.  Once late night TV used to be about intellectual elevation and obtaining qualifications - now it is about people with MSCs and PHDs in STEM separating the plebs from their disposable income.

Also please take down the balloon hearts – Valentine’s day was yesterday…

My continued patience...

Good Afternoon Anthony, 
I hope you are well. 
I am sorry for the continued delay with your exchange. 
I have chased the suppliers again and escalated this with them to arrange the exchange. I will be in touch with another 48 hours. 
Thank you for yoru continued patience

This week remaindered in Poundland I found the late Brandon Lee

This week I am on holiday so have been continuing my exploration of cinema classics remaindered in Poundland by watching an old copy of “the Crow”.  Well, this DVD was so old it had an aspect ratio of 4:3 whereas I belive the original film was 1.85:1 so please bare in mind that despite watching the film from one end to the other I didn’t see the whole film – only about 60 per cent of it.   

However, I couldn’t help but notice the similarity between the makeup and general performance of Brandon Lee as the Crow and that of Heath Ledger as the Joker in that Batman film some years later.  I wondered if I was the only person who had pondered this and so googled it to find bitter arguments all over the internet disclaiming that there is any influence beyond the purely coincidental. 

The Crow is an avenger whereas the Joker is a psychopath someone says.  True, but there is none the less a similarity in the performance which may be a comic book thing or may be something more.  For a start, yes,  there’s the make-up...  But there’s also the fact they both appear to be sadists.  While the Joker is clearly a villain and the Crow a more morally ambiguous character they both come up with some clearly over-elaborate methods of killing people and signposting that they are going to do so to the audience and breaking – or nearly breaking - the 4^th wall as they do so...  Add to that the permanently dark comic book world and it would seem odd to me if the makers of the latter film had not been influenced at all by the earlier.  Then again maybe all this is a comic book thing…

It’s strange watching it all these years later.  It looks dated and yet the model work is meticulously done.  The sweeping camera shots are ahead of their time.  Of course fortunately the Crow was shot out of order because its star was – as I’m sure you all already know – shot 8 days before the wrap of production… yes I know that’s an awful pun but I couldn’t help it … honest.   

Watching it this time round I was more aware of where Lee is absent in the movie.  Somewhere between the final confrontation and end scene in the graveyard there’s a lot of running around where we don’t see Lee’s face and the more times one watches it the more clearly the Brandon shaped holes in the film can be seen.  Maybe one shouldn’t look too closely.

One other thing the film has going for it – perhaps also leading man death related – is its brisk running time of a 100 minutes rather than the 2 or more hours we’re forced to endure of everything else these days.  Please make some more shorter films someone.  And bring back cartoons before the main feature…

That’s all folks!

How do you report the fact that Croydon Council's website doesn't work when the Council only communicates via its website?

Not content with not emptying my bins the Council now insists I must now report them un-emptied within 48 hours or they're not coming out again... sure that'll keep the missed collection reports down...

... the Council's website is the only way to communicate with the Council which is unfortunate as the Council seems to think I have no bins...

...it says this might be that it thinks this because my address is not in the system correctly...

...and is convinced that my address is somewhere called "FOI Street" - Is this a punishment for having put in an FOI request once?

I cannot change my address on the Council's website and since the only way for plebs to communicate with the Council is via its website I appear to be stuffed.

Go Compare the Confused Meerkats at the Money Supermarket

Picture By Charles J Sharp - Own work, from Sharp Photography, sharpphotography, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

There was a time when renewing one’s car insurance involved visiting tens if not hundreds of individual insurers and comparing their quotes to find the cheapest.  And then someone invented price comparison websites which purport, by the power of Grayskull to be able to scour the internet for you and remove the chore.  However, while initially they did seem to be able to avail one of cheaper insurance over the years they’ve seemed to me to all converge on the same values.  Using the main four websites I find I get a divergence in lowest pricing of only 8 per cent.  This seems very odd.  How do so many different insurers get nearer the same price?  And how come the same insurers give different prices on different websites? 

Now it could be, of course, that any sensible underwriter would value my car and I as the same value risk after performing similar calculations and just always end up around the same market price.  However, instinct would suggest that there’s very little competition in the market then.  For some reason those who’s job it is to take risks seem to me to take little risks. 

Matters are further confused by the layouts of the price comparison sites on their quote pages.  These have become ever more simplistic yet confusing.  For example … many sites ask you to choose a “voluntary” excess for your policy but what they don’t make clear is that there is a separate “compulsory” excess.  These vary from insurer to insurer meaning that when the search values are returned they’re in price order but they’re not weighted in any way to show the cost of actually making a claim because the user can only specify the “voluntary” excess.  Therefore the user is not actually seeing a like for like comparison when they look at the list.  If the search machines were honest then the “voluntary” excess and “compulsory” excess would be combined and just be called the “excess” and any insurer who was not willing to insure for the “excess” the customer requested would be excluded. 

Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a fraudulent practice – all the information is there for those willing to read it but it’s presented in such a statistically complex way the only way to work out whose insurance is the best price and value is to transcribe the information to a separate spreadsheet.

The extent this matters, of course, depends on the value of your motor.  If your car is only worth £1000 and you have a the “voluntary” excess of £150 and “compulsory” excess of £250 then claiming would cost you 40 per cent of your car at which point you’d probably be better going for 3^rd party anyway…

Also there are other things that ring alarm bells about price comparison websites.  Presumably insurers are paying to be on there and they all use algorithms to calculate their quotes which while not all the same all have similar inputs.  Therefore they cannot incorporate any new factor into their calculations and their calculations of risk are all universally set against the same inputs – which does not seem the most subtle method of calculating risk. 

Perhaps this is how they all come out with the same answer…?

Also I notice that the sites year on year seem to become ever less subtle and more simplified.  For example you used to be able to ask for quotes without a courtesy car or without personal injury insurance or without breakdown insurance or without legal insurance and the sites would order the quotes according to these items being excluded but now they don’t seem to do this anymore.   Everything is bundled in as “standard” on quotes. 

One has to wonder too how companies that quote without breakdown insurance or without legal insurance seem to come out further down the list than companies with it … again the sites may show us which insurer is the cheapest but that doesn’t mean we’re actually comparing like with like. 

So this year I went outside the main four sites.  Last year (on the advice of professional Scrooge Martin Lewis) I used Quotezone but this year they were more expensive than the main four.  So I tried Direct Line … my quote was in the same area… so I tried Aviva … who wanted to give me a discount because they want to keep me as a customer for different products.  So in the end I did save about £100.  It was like pulling teeth but I intensely dislike the insurance industry and this made me very happy.  Let’s see if I can push it down further by haggling…

What really confuses me though is that if I don't have a crash my insurance quotes should go down next year because by definition I'm less risk ... but they don't ...by default even if I use price comparison sites they go up?  How is this possible when I'm less and less risk each year?

Tonight I shall be at...

A load of old Tosh - iba

So I bought another laptop to replace the one that had the defective motherboard and ...it turned up like this ... with the keyboard not even glued properly over the innards.  Is there something wrong with me?  Because either I'm a jinx or it's just impossible to buy a laptop that works anymore.  So for manufactureres everywhere can I just offer this one idea... You stop worrying about what processing chip it has, what RAM and ROM it's got, what graphics it has and what size hard drive you're offering and concentrate more on bothering to actually assemble the thing.  A computer is a device that can be instructed to carry out sequences of arithmetic or logical operations automatically via computer programming - this cannot happen if you just randomly throw a load of parts and a motherboard into a box with little to no thought whatosever as to how they're going to stick together.  It's so sad... I desperately want to give a manufacturer my hard earned money for a decent computer that will last a decent period of time but all they seem to want to do is fob me off with tripe that's fallen off the back of a lorry.  Such a disaster... On well 3rd time lucky.  2nd time talking to customer service representatives who want to bung be £30 to "keep the unit".  Yeah I bet you want me to keep it Debenhams... and people wonder why the high street is dying.

Nothing new- the Tom Tom Go 520

Some few years back Tom Tom cynically decided that a load of their old sat navs were now obsolete for no good reason when they worked perfectly …perhaps too perfectly.  However, they were adamant that because of problems with memory (they couldn’t remember the “lifetime” promises they made to me when they sold the product to me) …they would no longer make maps for them. 

Never-the-less they very kindly offered to sell me a new one “at a reduced rate” but unwilling to be consigned to municipal recycling facility my Satnav still struggled on bravely with maps that were several years out of date – confidently advising me to circumnavigate the Elephant and Castle roundabout in the wrong direction.  This was slightly annoying but my Tom Tom GO 520 and I came to an understanding.  At least until the other day … when it started to struggle locking onto satellites at all and decided it no longer understood anything.

Forced to purchase another I pootled over to Halfords website to see what they had on offer and what did I see but a Sat Nav with exactly the same name as my own which supposedly I am trying to replace...?  Are there two Tom Tom Go 520’s …?  If it really is a new product why not give it a new name? 

Perhaps because it’s nothing new… except new expenditure.

HP and the Great Wall of Refund Issues

Finally I have managed to get a refund on the extended warranty from HP for the computer I returned because the motherboard never worked even after they failed to “mend” it.  I spoke to a man who asked my serial number, my invoice number, my article number, my address, my date of purchase and my purchase channel and after collating all this information told me that I needed to email another department.

“Can’t you email them?” I asked.

“No, I’m the technical department.  I only deal with technical issues,” he said.

“But you work for the same organisation?” I replied.  “Can’t you just email between departments?  After all you have their email because you’re going to give it to me?  You do have email.”

“I can only deal with technical matters,” he said.

“But,” I responded, “then why did you ask me for all this other information - my serial number, my invoice number, my article number, my address, my date of purchase and my purchase channel if that’s somebody else’s job to deal with?  You can see the databases that hold that information therefore you are interacting with it.  You’re not just dealing with only technical matters.”

“I asked for the information to check that the refund details are correct?”

“So why do I need to talk to someone else?  Why can’t you refund me?”

“I can only deal with technical matters,” he said.

“But you’re not just dealing with technical matters,” I said, “because you’ve just asked for financial information.”

“Refunds are the job of another department,” he said.  “You need to email them through the address I will give you and they will respond within one to two working days.”

“Do you have a telephone number for this other department?”

“No.”

“Do you know where they are physically?”

“No.”

“You don’t even know where they are physically?”

“No.”

“So … are you behind a Chinese Wall or something? – you literally can’t communicate between departments?”

“What we do in this situation is I give customers an email and they email the refunds department and they respond within 1 to 2 working days and give the customer what they want?”

“How do you know – you have no contact with them whatsoever?”

“I can only deal with technical matters.  I can give you the email.”

“What if I write it down wrong?”

“I will spell it for you.”

“But I’m dyslexic.  Even if you spell it phonetically I might get it wrong.  Can’t you email it to me?”

“Yes, I can email it to you.”

“You can email me but you can’t email someone else within your own company?”

“I will send you an email now.”

We compromised and he sent me an email of who to email.