Sewage Leak - Suck it up...

So all the poo and smell of poo has gone now and all 12 flats are sewer gas free so Thames Water have politely responded to our previous correspondence denying any responsibility for the poo coming out the ground or the gasses escaping up our drains and into our bathrooms.  There being 12 flats affected they are still falling back on the line that they can’t tell us exactly what each complainant complained about because of the Data Protection Act.  Because poo needs privacy.  They also seem to be saying that since we didn’t give them the opportunity to clear up their own poo because we had to get a tanker to suck it up because it was an urgent health hazard then they can’t take any responsibility for their shit.  I’m pretty sure they have to cough up under the guaranteed standards scheme but you have to admire the quality of their bullshit … if not the qualities of the human shit they seem to be unable to control...

Claim: External sewer flooding

Dear …

I write following on from our discussion on 3 February 2020, about your claim for re-imbursement of your contractor’s fees. You’ve requested confirmation of our liability decision in writing. Please see below as requested.

When we spoke, I informed you due to a collapse in our sewer main, we’ve been carrying out some work in [your road]. This has involved a lot of pumping out of sewage and may likely be the cause of the smells.

You explained, the issue affecting your property in Croydon was first reported to you by your tenants on 21 January 2020. By this time, the grounds of your property had been flooded for two days. You contacted us on 27 January 2020, after your private drain engineers had attended to investigate the cause of the external sewer flooding. Your contractors spoke with members of our waste crew on site, who advised your waste issues were due to our works. I understand, your contractor’s fees are in the region of £1000.00, and you’d like to make a claim for this to be re-imbursed.

I’ve searched my systems, and whilst there are enquiries relating to foul smells, there’s no mention of waste blockage or external sewer flooding at your property. These calls were made by other members of the public, and therefore, due to GDPR 2018 I’m unable to go into further details.

Our investigations

When we attend to investigate and clear blockages, we do so at no expense to the customer. This is because, we pay our contractors to carry out our work. In the event of flooding to the property, this may be either external or internal, we also offer to carry out a basic clean-up of affected areas. I'd like to advise, in future you must contact Thameswater as the first point of call, to investigate any issues with your drains. After we've investigated, if there are any issues with your private drains, we'll let you know.

If you experience any symptoms of blockages, or imminent flooding, please call our 24hr Contact Centre team, on 0800 3169800.

Liability

You didn’t contact us at any point while you experienced these issues, so we’re unable to determine the nature and cause of these problems due to lack of evidence. We may only be held liable for waste related incidents where we’ve directly caused the issue or where we’ve been negligent. i.e., when we’ve been made aware of a problem, but didn’t do anything about it. Unfortunately, we weren’t made aware of your problem, so we were unable to investigate and resolve the issue for you. Therefore, we haven’t been negligent. I regret to inform you your claim has been denied.

I appreciate this isn't the response you hoped for, but I trust I've clearly explained the reasons for my decision. Your case is now closed, however, if you need to speak with me, please call me on 0800 0093814. Our offices are open between the hours of 9am and 5pm, Monday to Friday.

We'd love to hear about your experience, please click here to tell us what we are doing well or what we can do better.

Yours sincerely

Vanessa

Which I think boils down to they think we have to suck up gettinga tanker out to suck up the poo... ?

Viewpoint

When I first started this blog it was meant as a repository for random pictures I took on my travels.  

However, no one seemed interested in that so I started putting words on it. 

But today as a break from my tedious points of view here is a picture of Viewpoint in Caterham as a counterpoint …

I took Ava Alexis up there yesterday and as we looked over the hills and the M25 I told her of how I used to have to go on cross country runs up and down the steep and winding road. 

Even in the snow.

“Why?” she said.   “Isn’t it exposed enough up here already without coming up here in shorts?”

I have no real idea why but I think that the problem may have been that while religiously Caterham School claimed to be affiliated to the United Reformed Church the actual religion of the school was sport - a vocation for which I had little inclination and nothing to offer but an embarrassing lack of physical coordination.

So although we were supposed to be running by the time we got to the top of the hill I was usually at the back walking with the stragglers.  Sometimes one would employ local knowledge to cut off odd corners.

When we got back to the pavilion the teacher would encourage us to run the last 200 yards to play along with the pretence that we hadn't just walked the rest of the route after we'd got out of his sight.

He would do this standing below the bank on the cricket pitch and one day a large boy responded to his encouragement by jumping off this bank and into a giant puddle at his feet.  This being a good 5 foot jump the teacher was completely drenched in freezing rainwater.

The same boy got suspended quite often.  One time when I was leaving late I found him in the school vestibule.  His parents were in the headmaster's study again and he was awaiting sentence for a crime I now forget.

"How's it going?" I said.

"Well, it was going okay," he said, "till Mr Smith said 'take a seat' and Mr Thorne [the deputy Headmaster] and I both tried to sit down in the same seat and fell on the floor."

I also told her also of how we went up the hill once from the school to play rugby on the field at the top of the hill even though it was snowing but it was so cold that even the teachers gave in and we had to go back again. 

On the way down the hill again some of us found a barrel of tar which was part of some road works that we could warm ourselves by… the toxic fumes weren’t as bad as the cold. 

I’d like to say I learned something from the experience but really I think we just got cold.

Still, I suppose I was lucky to grow up around such beautiful surroundings...

I think it was G K Chesterton said...

Before the Roman came to Rye or out to Severn strode,

The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road.

A reeling road, a rolling road, that rambles round the shire,

And after him the parson ran, the sexton and the squire;

A merry road, a mazy road, and such as we did tread

The night we went to Birmingham by way of Beachy Head etc

Lord Barwell was 'ere...

Switched on the TV last night and there was "Brexitcast" from the BBC Radio Theatre.  Brexit as infotainment.  Sitting in the audience was the recently defrenstrated Lord Barwell and his hilarious banter.  How very jolly.  But what happens in 2 years when the negotiations that we just finished  the 3 year negotiation of end...?  This is not the end of the cockups but it maybe the beginning of the start of some...

Data Protection Crap

Just rung Thames Water to tell them that my bathroom is uninhabitable due to a sewage leak from the main sewer which has been pumping poo onto the lawn.

"Can I ask what you told the Managing Agent yesterday here is the reference for the call?  I have a reference... "

"Sorry due to data protection legislation we can't discuss anyone else's complaints about the main sewer run"

What a load of shit!

Nursing a Coffee...

After 45 years on this earth I have mastered the art of making 1 pint of bitter last 1 hour when I need to wait for an appointment and it's cold outside.   But the pub on Teddington high street is closed so I am today nursing a large coffee in Cafe Nero... which boasts the best expresso this side of Milan and presents them in ridiculous looking shot glasses to the middle classes who wouldn't pop over the road to the pub for for a proper shot because it is seedy and closed.  Mrs Miggins is nowhere to be seen but I was served by a lady with Trainee Barrister on her shirt.  I congratulated her on being called to the bar at such an early age but she just looked at me strangely.  Looking about the patrons the art to making the single coffee last an hour or more seems to be to bring a newspaper with you and pretend to do the crossword or to be incredibly involved and interested in international affairs and politics to a level that is only possible when you have bugger all to do in the middle of the day.  Others pretend to be hard at work at their laptops but something tells me they don't all own tech startups.  Then again perhaps this is how they start... People stuck in human waiting rooms with nothing else to do... At least when nursing a pint in a pub corner you don't have to pretend that your mind is alive.  Staring into space and looking pissed or listening to an old alcoholic's hard luck story is all that is required.  Already my mouth is incredibly dry and I am developing a cough and the Trainee Barrister has whisked away they plate that used to have an upmarket bun on it.  This is going to be harder than it looks.... Perhaps if I pretend it it Jonathan's Coffee House I can start the next South Sea Bubble and make a mint... mind you I bet even the mints cost a bomb here so perhaps not...

Heineken 0.1

On a recent visit to Sam Rhodes Comedy Explosion I treated myself to a Heineken 0.0...

... Only for the man behind the bar to warn me that it doesn't actually contain no booze...?

Sure enough...

The back of the bottle informs the imbiber that it actually contains 0.05 per cent...

... Of course actually mathematically 0.00 to 0.04 should be rounded down to 0.00 while 0.05 to 0.09 should be rounded up to 0.1.


Therefore the product is in fact deceptively named.  It should be called Heineken 0.1 not Heineken 0.0!

I shall be grassing them up to the ASA directly...

The Royal Family Isn't Working...

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex today announced their support from Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour party.  Princess Meghan said “We fully support the Labour party’s vision of a 32 hour working week.  We should live to work not work to live.  This is why, while not going out on strike, recently we have instituted a policy of working to rule.”  

Prince Harry rejoined “Yes, whilst politically neutral for constitutional reasons... the Royal Family have an unearned reputation of being secret Tories but we actually have a strong heritage of socialism in "the firm".   My great Uncle Edward famously withdrew his labour in the 1930s because the Church of England discriminated against him for his poor choice of women and because he invited the wrong kind of people to cocktail parties.  We have decided to do something similar for similar reasons...”

Prince Andrew, who has also cut down on his Royal duties recently, chimed into the debate: “I did everything I could to reduce the costs of the Monarchy to the taxpayer,” he said, “such as staying at friend’s houses while I was abroad rather than renting posh penthouses but all the thanks I got was barbed accusations that I was visiting houses of ill repute.  People think it’s easy being a Royal but it’s actually very difficult to ask someone “Hello, and what do you do?” particularly so when they may come back with the answer “I’m an underage prostitute.””

Prince Phillip was unavailable for a racist comment having previously withdrawn his labour on the grounds he was too old to stand up and therefore his stand-up comedy routines about slitty eyed foreigners no longer had the same punch when being delivered from a wheelchair.   

“In order for my kind of comedy to work,” he said, “one has to punch down rather than up and that’s something one cannot do well sitting down.  Besides which my grandson tells me some of my jokes about foriegners are no longer as funny as they were and I should make way for alternative comedy...”  One of Prince Phillips most recent gigs was described by the press as a "car crash".