Desert Island Stick Insects

Lord Howe Island Stick Insects have recently signed a multi-million pound agreement with the UK Government for the return of illegal immigrants.  "At the moment we only have one," said Mr Sticky the stick insect, "who calls himself Nigel Farage who has dumped here by the BBC after an episode of Desert Island Disks but he's a real problem because he doesn't attempt to integrate at all and we are expecting other self publicising Reform members to turn up any time on small boats like Nigel when we become a hub for pillock traffickers.  He should go back to where he came from - Clacton."  

"There's only one of him," said Mr Sticky, "but we are a only small volcanic pyramid island and he's very big, has no discernible skills and contributes absolutely nothing to the economy."

"Also how do we know he isn't capable of parthenogenesis?  He seems to spend a lot of time being a wanker which suggests he could reproduce without a mate.  When he's not spending all his time ranting about migrants despite being one, he's playing awful records on his gramophone - mostly "I did it my way" by Frank Sinatra and a lot of Vagner."

"His luxuries are beer and fags and he treats the whole island as one big ash tray.  He also spends a lot of time reading "Mein Kampf" and the telling us he's only doing so as an amusement like when he pretended to be a Nazi supporter at school and for something to do whilst waiting for the rescue boat.  He hasn't once read the Bible he came with.  Honestly he's almost as bad as the last invasive species we had - the rats.  We eliminated them and we'll eliminate Nigel if he doesn't pull his weight.  So far he hasn't harvested a single tea tree leaf."