The two Dons

The Trump Twins today have offered to invade Greenland.  "Greenland didn't know it wants to be invaded by America but it does... By a lot.  If we don't invade then it's sure that Russia or China will invade even though they've never said they were going to.  Therefore we kindly offer to invade first to stop them being invaded.  We plan to offer lots of other countries our protection too in order to prevent them being invaded".  The two Dons say they think that International Law has had it's day and a new doctrine is needed which will be called the DonDonroe doctrine in which countries extort whatever they want from each other by offering protection services.  They say their long term plan is to replace the United Nations with a new organisation which like Your Party doesn't have a name yet, although popularly mooted names include "The Bigly Firm" or "Our Thing" which will be translated into Italian to help it appeal to people from the old country.  The Trumps say it is an offer you literally can't refuse.

Meanwhile, Don brothers' enforcer "mad" JD Vance said "the people of Greenland are going to have self-determination.  We hope that they choose to partner with the United States, because we're the only nation on Earth that will respect their sovereignty and respect their security.  We would hate for something bad to happen to Greenland and it can happen so easily.  It would be very bad if they fell into the hands of someone unscrupulous. We've put a lot of work into training our police to work in their harsh weather conditions by setting up a special unit called ICE."