In Britain nothing works

Today I tried to ring up Boots to try to get them to deliver the perfume that they should have delivered a week ago but find myself talking to a bot which Boots describe as AI but is actually an automated script telling customers to fuck off and suck it up.  Eventually I managed to pluck the customer services number out their site which was pretty much so over complicated a task that I felt like a cross between Alan Turing trying to break the Enigma code and Jean-François Champollion decipering the Rosetta Stone.  After uncovering the hidden menu however I did not have time to call the number before lines closed.  In case anyone is wondering it is 0345 609 0055.

I also moved my NHS Dental Appointment with MyDentist to a different day which they will no doubt cancel on the day because they have a private patient that rang up - sorry, I mean "the chair's broken".   They want to book extracting my wisdom tooth but since it's causing no pain now I think I'll skip that.  I had to move it because my mum needs an X-ray on her wrist.  Of course if I'd just taken her myself it might be simpler than rearranging my diary but since I involved the powers that be... The care home said she could not have an accident and I should remove her if I didn't trust them whereupon I checkmated them by pointing out it's my brother's name on the contract so that then they had to hold an investigation where they discovered some minor bump may have happened.  So the doctor said I should take her to the hospital for an x-ray to double check on the day of my dental appointment - this I have now moved.  But not moved too far because despite both the dentist and myself cancelling and moving it if it moves too far it somehow becomes disconnected from some medical notes and the whole process falls back on itself again.  But hopefully this time...

The Property Manager for the flats wrote to me to tell me they'd sent my number onto the contractor who is going to fix the stand pipe.  On the bottom of the email it read: "Prime adopts a four day working week - my off day is a Monday, in case of an emergency please contact the office by phone".  I work a 5 day week on a shifting cycle with every other weekend off so I'm not sure how this works as it decreases the likelihood of our schedules matching up.  

If they're only going to be available 80% of the time I wonder if I can get a discount for the 20% less work without "impacting their mental health".  We already can't have an AGM because apparently she has no free evenings between now and 2027.  

As to the financial irregularities I spotted in the accounts I now have two reference numbers for the Metropolitan Police about that - one from the Met and one from Fraud Report / City of London Police.  Fraud Report sent me an email saying they'd passed their data onto the Met and then said the matter was closed even though the Met say it isn't but I guess at least they're doing something... I tried discussing with my Councillor but I got bored repeating the same information in response to nonsense like try the FTT or Property Ombudsman... the FTT deals with Service Charges not underlying finances and the Property Ombudsman has a maximum payout of £400 which is a bit useless if the dispute is about a grand...

I chased up the £50 Europcar owe me.  When my car broke down I had to hire a hire car for holiday and then it got a ticket and then Europcar charged me £50 for "processing the ticket".  So then I appealed the ticket and got it overturned so they had to say they'd pay me back the £50 within 15 days.  15 days later and I'm not holding folding so...

Then I dealt with the low traffic neighbourhood fine refund from the Council.  Croydon Council have had to refund their tickets for their low traffic neighbourhood fines because the High Court said so or something... I picked up mine when I was diverted off Roman Way on the way home from work because there was a pile up (probably caused by people trying to avoid the LTN) ... so I was particularly annoyed they fined me because it was they who diverted me into their LTN in the first place.  

The Council say they sent a cheque but it was returned with "No Such Person" on the envelope.  I thought that this was probably a porky but then I discovered on chasing my mum's CHC assessment today that the NHS too had written to me but their letter hadn't arrived either.  So now I don't know whether the Council doesn't work or the Royal Mail doesn't work.

I then reached the conclusion that so many things don't work that ...in Britain nothing works.