Reform are Real People

 

The Reform Party today rebutted accusations that it had fielded any fake "ghost" candidates in the General Election.  

"It is completely false to state that any of our candidates are not real," said their vetting spokesman Mr Timothy Claypole.  

"Although we did not have time for administrative reasons to fully biographically detail all of our candidates on our website and left a great many blank spaces and missing photographs, it is important to state that all our candidates were real people like Hubert Davenport and Fred Mumford and all their candidate papers were signed by well known business persons in their local areas such as Harold and Ethel Meaker and Adam Painting," he added.  "It is true that some candidates were not seen at any hustings but just because they did not live or campaign locally to their constituencies does not mean that they had no connection with those local areas.  For example, although she has not been seen in Scotland since before the Civil War, Hazel McWitch still has a strong affinity with the Glasgow area due to having being burned to death there.  Contrary too to the media depiction of Reform as a party dominated by aging middle aged white gentlemen ("gammons") we also include among our number several ethnic minority women such as Nadia Popov who unfortunately could not canvass during the summer due to suffering from hay fever.  Any rumors to the contrary are completely false and we believe they have been put about by local Conservative activists Rose and Arthur Perkins against whom we shall soon be instituting legal proceedings.  We are consulting our solicitor Whatsisname Smith."