The Golgafrincham B Arc of the world economy...

This we can't get fertilizer anymore because of the straight of Hormuz being blocked is the dumbest thing I ever heard. The Haber process which creates ammonia was developed in Germany in 1910 and requires only hydrogen, nitrogen and iron as a catalyst.  So why are we importing it from half way round the world?  We could just make our own?  Even more bizarre is the idea we need to import CO2 for refrigeration from the far east.  It's 0.04% of the world's atmosphere.  We literally have power stations that belch it out on an industrial scale but ... "Can't find any of the, mate". You don't need to send Sir Francis Drake to circumnavigate the globe.  Really shows you the parlous state of British Manufacturing.  We truly have created an economy of everyone opening doors for each other with creates literally nothing useful - the Golgafrincham B Arc of the world economy...

The good old days

I have to wonder about the many posts on social media celebrating the time when "a family could live and purchase a house and have holidays on one income".

 Neither of my grandparents could live on one income.  My mother's father drove the van for the laundry until 1939 when he went to war and drove vans for the army.  He was evacuated from Dunkirk and then drove vans across Africa ending up in Palestine.  My mother didn't meet her father that she remembers until 1945.  Meanwhile his wife worked as a casual farm labourer until she managed to get a job "with a pension indoors" in the laundry.  When my maternal grandfather was demobbed after the war he couldn't get his old job back for years until he did but then he contracted cancer and died in his mid 50s after years of smoking.  My grandmother supported him financially during his terminal decline.

My father's parents were more middle class.  My great grandfather had a successful leather goods manufacturing business supplying mainly to Mappin & Webb.  So my grandfather worked in the family business.  My grandmother "I married the boss's son and look what a silly bugger I ended up with" worked there too.  The army didn't want my other grandfather because of his poor eyesight so he joined the ARP ... They were reasonably wealthy owning rental properties but even they both worked.  Mind you they lost one home to air raids... but I don't think they could've lived on his income alone.  My grandmother succumbed to bouts of schizophrenia leaving him her main carer and main income provider and they then struggled on only one income.  The family business had now gone the way of most of the rest of British Manufacturing.  He died of a heart attack at about 70.

Of course things are harder economically for people now than in the past but the golden age some people - mostly Americans - speak of ... Was it ever really real?  Maybe for them as their GDP was greater but...

That's all folks!

The most common cupboard door I sell is high gloss white. That doesn't make it the best. It's just what most people select because it's the most inoffensive. It's a bit boring but you can't go wrong. When you resell your home no one's going to say "can't live with that". You don't have to think very hard. It's a non-colour. There's nothing wrong with it and nothing right with it. It's a bit clinical but it carries no emotion. But if we designed the whole range around what most people wanted we'd sell nothing because no one would come in because there's no variety. All art and design requires a vision. A personal vision. That's why we hire professional designers. Because otherwise what you end up with is the lowest common denominator... which is exactly what happened when the Bank of England started asking focus groups who should appear on our bank notes.  Of course they selected the most boring and inoffensive images. Animals.  Maybe we could compromise on anthropomorphic children's characters like Pooh Bear, Paddington, Peter Rabbit, Dumbo from Disney, Gromit, Nigel Farage as Mr Toad or maybe Bugs Bunny?

Meanwhile in America they have no such problems... 

Desert Island Stick Insects

Lord Howe Island Stick Insects have recently signed a multi-million pound agreement with the UK Government for the return of illegal immigrants.  "At the moment we only have one," said Mr Sticky the stick insect, "who calls himself Nigel Farage who has dumped here by the BBC after an episode of Desert Island Disks but he's a real problem because he doesn't attempt to integrate at all and we are expecting other self publicising Reform members to turn up any time on small boats like Nigel when we become a hub for pillock traffickers.  He should go back to where he came from - Clacton."  

"There's only one of him," said Mr Sticky, "but we are a only small volcanic pyramid island and he's very big, has no discernible skills and contributes absolutely nothing to the economy."

"Also how do we know he isn't capable of parthenogenesis?  He seems to spend a lot of time being a wanker which suggests he could reproduce without a mate.  When he's not spending all his time ranting about migrants despite being one, he's playing awful records on his gramophone - mostly "I did it my way" by Frank Sinatra and a lot of Vagner."

"His luxuries are beer and fags and he treats the whole island as one big ash tray.  He also spends a lot of time reading "Mein Kampf" and the telling us he's only doing so as an amusement like when he pretended to be a Nazi supporter at school and for something to do whilst waiting for the rescue boat.  He hasn't once read the Bible he came with.  Honestly he's almost as bad as the last invasive species we had - the rats.  We eliminated them and we'll eliminate Nigel if he doesn't pull his weight.  So far he hasn't harvested a single tea tree leaf."

Guest post by Arthur Daley

Poor Nicola Sturgeon has suffered what appear to me to be a series of diabolical liberties because of her husband's unfortunately mismanaged business dealings.  But if we were honest with ourselves then we'd all admit there are always some things we've purchased that are a little bit hot.  Who fully checks the providence of every item in their possession?  It's therefore very easy for plod to feel someone's collar for possession.

Some purchases are hotter than others naturally but as I used to say to Raymond and Terry if you can't stand the heat stay out of entrepreneurship.  So here for anyone who might find themselves in a similar situation to Mrs Sturgeon is my guide to easily disposing of merchandise before the local plod turns over your drum.

First of all avoid hot motors.  Cars always come with a paper trail which can make them very easy to trace.  If you do find yourself in receipt of a hot motor (for example a Volkswagen) trade it in as soon as possible as part payment for something better like a Jaguar.  Whatever you do don't buy a motorhome.  They have very little resale value and are very hard to shift.  

Try and buy things that are a bit off the wall like an oak library ladder, a Royal Mint silver proof coin set and or an Airbus model helicopter.

Toilet seats, bread bins, washing-up bowls, soap baskets and salt and pepper shakers are always good bets being too pedestrian for most people to suspect them of being half inched.  Cheerful Charlie Chisholm is unlikely to suspect a toilet seat  if he's sitting on it.

A lot of people prefer to hide their hotter investments as Tom.  This is a very good idea.  Buy 'er indoors a nice pendant or necklace and you'll have a happy woman who doubles up as a walking safety deposit box.  Just make sure she doesn't wear her gifts round too many security cameras and try and keep her away from other people's minces.  The ideal wife or husband should be known about but never seen and like 'er indoors stay indoors.  Being First Minister isn't the best way to stay low profile.

Computerised telescopes and coffee machines are unlikely to generate much general suspicion and pens and watches are small expensive pieces of gear that can be easily saltered away or palmed off on Dave at the Winchester.  Finally DVDs and computer games are some of my favourite items for shifting easily.  

Follow these simple rules and you too can be a proud Scot campaigning for your independence without the inconvenience of having to eat too much porridge.

An update on Peace Negotiations

Donald Trump said today that the White House has agreed almost everything with Iran and that peace is imminent.  "Peace is about to happen," he said. "Indeed, it is happening now.  There are just a few details that J D is trying to tidy up in the agreements.  These include the missiles that we've fired at them and the missiles we've shot down and the missiles they fired at us and other missiles fired at other countries including Israel who have also fired missiles at them.  The ships we intend to sink, the mines in the Straight of Hormuz and the planes they are shooting down.  The continuing war in Lebanon is also another small detail but we're very nearly there.  We're also closer to an agreement on Uranium which is much better than the agreement on Uranium that that Hussein Obama came up with.  That was a very bad agreement.  We will have a very good agreement.  J D is unanimous in that.  People say that J D is the monkey and I am the organ grinder but I think of J D as more like a chimpanzee than a monkey.  Probably like the one that Ronald Reagan used to appear in films with.  He's some kind of ape that's for sure but I'm happy for him to sit on my organ.  The war is practically over so I think I should give myself a big hand with my little hands.  Very soon we will have peace in our time but not quite this time but some time.  It will be another of the many wars I have ended which I hope you will notice also includes ones I have started.  Anyone can end a war but starting and ending a war that takes a special kind of person and everyone agrees I am very special indeed.  Some people complain about gas prices but they are not nice people.  They are very nasty people. We don't like those people. Those people should be in prison like Jean E Carroll.  She is not a nice person.  She tells lies and fantasies.  We call her Lewis Carroll.  Especially when we're photographed next to a person in a rabbit costume at Easter.  In fact that probably was Jean E in the costume.".

Horns!

Yesterday I was in a traffic jam caused by the temporary lights by South Croydon bus garage.  I stopped just short of the petrol station entrance so there was a gap in the queue for anyone to pull into it.  The man behind started beeping and beeping and beeping and beeping but I didn't want to move forward because I'd be blocking the entrance so I just let him work his way into a seething rage whilst the highway code was observed.  Eventually the lights changed and we moved forward.  He had wanted to pull into the petrol station.  By this time he was shouting "Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!" all over the place... I just let him.  People stared at him.  If I had moved forward he wouldn't have been able to get in there anyway as I'd be blocking the entrance.  So it made no sense.  But the highway code was observed.  Driving the other way earlier I nearly drove into the back of someone by Tesco's as I was distracted by a man in a Chelsea Tractor tooting his horn at the roundabout as he overtook everyone on the inside.  I have to wonder if road rage is getting worse.  It seems to get everywhere.  Even if I pull off immediately from a set of traffic lights there's someone tooting their horn as if I've been sat there for two minutes.  I wonder if I'm only noticing all this now because of the car being off the road for two months whereas previously I'd been inured by it's sheer frequency...  It's so much more peaceful on the bus... I may have to return to public transport before I develop hornophobia like Oliver Hardy in Saps at Sea...  According to Autocar however it seems what I'm experiencing is not a statistical blip : "The number of police reports of crimes caused by road rage or aggressive driving increased by 34% between 2021 and 2025 (the newest data available), and Department for Transport (DfT) data reveals 10% of the 1454 deaths on Britain's roads in 2023 were linked to aggressive behaviour." They go on to blame the phenomenon on an increase in the number of roadworks and an increase in the amount of stress in people's lives... Still it could be worse, I could be a lollipop person.

Social media use as bad for children as smoking

Social media use ranks with smoking as a threat to the health of young people, according to the UK's most senior doctors.

Timothy (not his real name) was a prolific user of TikTok until one day he developed sever emphysema.  "I thought l was just watching silly videos.  I didn't realise that the addictive act of scrolling could cause lifelong breathing difficulties.". Timothy who now has to wheel an oxygen cylinder around with him everywhere says he wishes someone had warned him of the extreme health risks.

Sarah (not her real name) used to spend several hours a day following celebrities on Instagram but in recent months she found she had difficulty going to the toilet.  "I didn't realise that being on social media could make you so up your own arse you become constipated" she said.  Sarah has since been diagnosed with terminal colon cancer.  Her parents started a GoFundMe which she shared on social media only making herself even more ill.

Mohammed (not his real name) used to use Snapchat to communicate with his friends until he discovered one day that he had contracted sever epilepsy.  "I was happy smoking behind the bike sheds until Rishi Sunak banned it," he said.  "But then I became addicted to receiving images that disappeared and couldn't cope when they didn't."

Rani (not her real name) used to enjoy talking to her friends on Facebook but after one of her posts went viral she started coughing up blood.  "I didn't realise that a viral post could lead to one contracting a real virus like Ebola," she said from her hospital bed.  "I wish someone had told me this.". Doctors have given her a week to live.

The UK Medical Council suggests keeping teenagers in hermetically sealed tupperware boxes until they are at least 18.  Some names have been changed for legal reasons such as protecting the identities of fictional characters.

Today's lack of action by the City of London Police is brought to you by the number 19 and the letter A

Today's lack of action by the City of London Police is brought to you by the number 19 and the letter A.  I mean what is this, Sesame Street?  They won't tell you what evidence they do require before they can launch an investigation and if you appeal this decision they tell you they can't report it and when you complain to the IPCO and they respond "What response do you want?" and you say "nicking villains" they say they can never reverse a decision.  They are set in aspic for all time...  Fraud accounts for 38% of all crimes in England and Wales, according to the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics.  It's little surprising when there's an organisation specifically devoted to not reporting or investigating it.  Is it because I reported someone middle class? Or is it because plod are taking backhanders?  Ironically, the person who I wish to report is an ex-policeman.  Look after their own, innit? Too busy locking up old ladies for holding up Palestine Action placards...  Maybe it's just that they prefer investigating crimes where they can drive fast cars or give someone a spanking? But apparently according to Which? like Action Fraud before it, Report Fraud isn't real people at all by AI like the picture here... 

Report Fraud V1

RE:RF26050255333C

Dear Anthony Miller

Thank you for your recent submission and taking the time to report fraud.

When you report cyber crime or fraud, our experts review the information you have provided to determine whether a UK police force/ law enforcement agency could successfully investigate the crime.

On this occasion we have reviewed your report and, based on the information currently available, have allocated the following outcome:

19a

This is because:

A fraud or cyber crime, having been recorded, has not been allocated for investigation because the assessment process has determined there are insufficient lines of enquiry to warrant such dissemination.

We continually assess the content of individual and linked crime reports. If, due to new information the situation changes, we will provide an update.

Please be assured that your report will stay in the Report Fraud database, so that it can be matched with future reports. If in future it is considered that an investigation could take place, the report will be shared with a UK police force who will then decide whether they are able to investigate the crime. By contacting us you are giving the police vital information they need to protect you and others, as well as disrupt criminal activity. Based on your report, we would like to share the following advice:

How to protect yourself from False Accounting fraud

It’s important to recognise that a fraud can come from anywhere, including:

staff members

customers

suppliers

third parties, unconnected to the business

There is no single solution to prevent all business fraud, but the information below will help you identify the most common types and take action to protect yourself, your staff and your business.

Policy

Having protocols and policies in place for dealing with fraud will help you establish a good grounding for identifying it and minimising your risk of becoming a victim. You should emphasise a zero-tolerance approach to criminal breaches of your policies and the law surrounding it.

Prevent and Detect

In order to detect fraud you need to have effective systems and processes in place covering all aspects of your business. Consider regular, routine planned audits. Conduct irregular unplanned audits (i.e. where the staff and areas of your business are not given prior notification).

Have a separate “whistle blowing” policy so that members of staff know exactly who to report any concerns and suspicions to, how they should do it and what levels of protection they can expect.

Investigate

Once you have identified a fraud you will need to formulate a clear strategy to deal with it. The first thing to consider is the extent of the fraud. Do not assume you have identified the full extent straight away. For example, if it is one member of staff that is suspected, consider other staff members they work with. Consider whether you should take action straight away or monitor and investigate further.

Risk Manage

This should be a continual process and form part of your overall fraud strategy.

Take a risk based approach, i.e. assess the risks – the likelihood of something happening and the impact it could have on your business. If resources are limited then take action to mitigate the threats that have the most risk.

For more information, please visit: Business fraud and how to prevent it | City of London Police

What to do if you are a victim of False Accounting fraud

If you have made a payment: Inform your bank as soon as possible, they can help you prevent any further losses. Monitor your bank statements regularly for any unusual activity.

Review: Perform a review of your internal processes to determine whether any changes could be made to prevent similar types of fraudulent activity, or improve your detection of them.

If you would like more information on how to protect yourself from fraud and cyber crime, please see the Prevention guidance at https://reportfraud.police.uk or we suggest contacting https://www.stopthinkfraud.campaign.gov.uk/protect-yourself-from-fraud/protecting-your-business/ as they may be able to provide further support.

If you have any queries regarding this email visit https://reportfraud.police.uk/faqs/ where you will find answers to most common questions. If you feel your query remains unanswered you can submit your question to us via our online form.  You can also register on our partner website https://reportfraudalert.co.uk  to receive email alerts about new and emerging crime types.

Your feedback is vital to us in improving the service that we provide. Our feedback survey is voluntary, completely anonymous and should take no longer than 5 minutes to complete. If you would like to give us some feedback, please click here: https://emea.dcv.ms/Q7ksSWBIoy.

Thank you again for taking the time to report this matter.

Report Fraud

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Save Your Seat, Save Your Party, and Save Your Country

With very few examples of a Party Leader surviving a leadership challenge when in office as Prime Minister, I racked my brains as to the last time someone had and ... I came up John Major in 1995*.

The 1992 Black Wednesday sterling crisis when Britain crashed out the European Exchange Rate Mechanism causing a totally unnecessary and self inflicted double dip recession had resulted in some consternation on the Tory back benches who were looking at wipeout by Tony Blair's New Labour in two years time.  It had been John Smith's New Labour but John had died of a massive heart attack a year earlier and the Conservatives were very concerned that under Blair Labour might be electable.  Particularly since their own reputation for economic competence had gone for a Burton.  Ah the good old days when the Tories bankrupted the country by trying to get closer to Europe rather than leave it entirely...

As a result John Major was recorded off mic in a TV studio muttering about "bastards" in his own party.  No one ever seemed to actually challenge though so Major took the initiative and called his own leadership election at the time of his choosing rather than his enemies.  None of his critics (mainly Portillo) however were up for handing in their plumb Ministerial positions in order to go over-the-top.  Therefore a stalking horse candidate was found.  Junior Minister and arch-Eurosceptic John Redwood.  He was strongly endorsed by the Sun under the slogan "Redwood or Deadwood".

John Major was roundly mocked at the time for being the grey man of politics so it was a bit of a laugh that the Tory Parliamentary Party had shopped around and managed to find someone even greyer with even less personality to stand against him.  Redwood was so stiff, dead fishlike and non-media-friendly that he was referred to by his colleagues as "the Vulcan" - possibly a bit insulting to the late Leonard Nimoy who's depiction of Mr Spock was endowed with considerably more charisma.  If you're too young to remember how wooden Redwood was think Liz Truss as a bloke.  An ideological bore on the party's far right.  To this day I'm still convinced that Liz Truss is actually clockwork.  Anyway...

In order to win the Leadership 1922 Committee exhaustive ballot John Major had to obtain not just a majority but a majority+15% in order for a second round of the contest which other candidates could then join to occur.  This he did by schmoozing with his backbenchers in a way that was beyond Mr Redwood's social skills and no second round occured.  Major just scraped past the 65% margin with 66% of the Parliamentary Party.  Of course Redwood would never have become Prime Minister, he was a stalking horse for other candidates, but Major effectively used him to represent all the fears of change he knew his colleagues had and ran a better-the-devil-you-know campaign... The leadership election also allowed his critics to let off steam, grievances to be aired and policy debated...

His internal critics muted John Major clung on as by-election natural wastage reduced his small majority to a minority government propped up by supply and demand agreements with the Ulster Unionists.   He still clung on to the last possible moment though before being constitutionally forced to call an election and led his party to a massive defeat in 1997.  Was keeping his backbenchers in their jobs rather than throwing them under the bus like Rishi Sunak part of the deal he struck with them? because there was literally no point in his government by this time.  It couldn't get any legislation through and seemed to exist solely to keep Labour out and the (mainly) boys in jobs...  People who complain about governments changing too often - you've never had it so good!

John Major hung on for one more Parliament after that as a backbench MP.  Redwood carried on as an MP till 2024 when he stood down but was never trusted with a Ministerial position ever again.  Portillo was famously handed his arse by his own constituents having gained the media reputation of a slimy toad.  How we all laughed at the time.  If only we'd known them that this would result in him filling the telly with boring travelogues for the next 25 years.  We're not laughing now.  Honestly it's like you can't go on a train these days with risking bumping into Michael Portillo and his film crew ... One wonders if Mr Burnham's naked ambition will be rewarded in a similar way...

* Okay technically Boris Johnson survived his June 2022 contest but since his government imploded shortly afterwards it was a bit of a pyrrhic victory...

Sir Alec Burnham Douglas-Home ...

The Labour Party plans to dump Starmer after the disastrous local election results but they don't want him to go but "set a timetable for his departure" in the style of Tony Blair.  The main reason is to engage in the crackpot scheme of bringing Andy Burnham the Mayor of Manchester into Parliament to become the new Prime Minister that the left desire.  There are 411 Labour MPs but apparently that's not enough to pick a new leader from.  The answer is from outside.  

The closest historical parallel to this that I can think of to this situation is when in the wake of the Profumo scandal and the fall of the MacMillan government, Lord Alec Douglas-Home resigned from the Lords using the mechanisms recently set up by Tony Benn and was parachuted into the Commons so he could become the next Conservative Prime Minister.  Interestingly there were 23 days shortly after the Queen appointing him between Air Alec resigning from the Lords and being elected to the Commons again during which time the UK Prime Minister was not in Parliament at all.  None of these potentially unconstitutional shenanigans saved the Conservatives from electoral wipeout by Harold Wilson less than a year later and I'm not convinced the bold Burnham experiment will provide an instant escape from the electoral snake pit situation either.

However bonkers the Alec Douglas-Home situation might seem to us sixty years later, at least Home was the Foreign Secretary in Macmillan's government so although it was an unusual situation it wasn't completely left-field if you'll excuse the pun.  Home as a hereditary Lord was banned from standing for the Commons.  Wilson attacked him as the 14th Earl to which Sir Douglas-Home memorably if you disregard the fact that everyone has forgotten it responded that Mr Wilson was in fact probably the 14th Mr Wilson.  If it's one thing Sir Keir's premiership has achieved it's the final end of hereditary peers.  I did enjoy the recent obligatory piece about peers who felt very hurt at being thrown out of the Lords yesterday in the Telegraph though... Diddums... Anyway... Sir Alec's appointment was also controversial because the 1922 Committee did not chose the PM in those days and with the government unable to agree on Macmillan's successor he was seen as the result of a grubby deal between some Tory grandees, had-been-SuperMac and the Queen herself who unsurprisingly seemed to favour a Lord over another commoner...

Anyway, all this may seem by-the-by but it's the only example I can think of ... Of a non MP being parachuted in as PM in recent history... Let us now look at the obstacles to be surmounted in a similar machination by Mr Burnham.  They are if anything even more difficult to vault.  First he must find a Labour MP with a stonking majority to resign.  Who is this valiant Turkey who will vote for Christmas and where is he or she to be found within the Labour PLP?  Are they going to draw lots?  Then he must get selected by the outgoing MP's CLP.  That isn't as easy as you might think.  They may go for a local candidate instead.  The last CLP selection I went to, the front runner was defeated by local outsider Sarah Jones by literally 1 vote.  In those days selections used to be done at an in person meeting.  Now they are done partially online resulting in potential fraud.  There's still an ongoing police investigation into one Croydon selection where membership details were leaked early.  Anyway, as well as being endorsed by the CLP, he'd have to be endorsed by the NEC which is stuffed with Starmer's mates.  He'd then have to get elected which his supporters seem to regard as a cake-walk but is by no means guaranteed given the Tories, Lib Dems, Reform (and possibly the Greens) will all no doubt throw the kitchen sink into beating him ... Flooding the Constituency with bus loads of activists as the event turns into a media circus.  All this is before the Labour Party has even started it's internal election campaign with hustings and balloting all the members.  Now if Sir Keir resigns to facilitate all this... Well, when there isn't an actual sitting Labour Party leader under the party rulebook the role should go to deputy leader who is Lucy Powell.  This situation happened several times when Labour was in opposition with Harriet Harman having to stand in whilst the men sorted it all out amongst themselves.  So would Lucy become temporary stand-in PM? The only case when this didn't happen in recent memory was when Corbyn decided to actively fight a leadership bid - since he didn't step down as Leader he remained Leader of the Opposition.  But if Starmer sets a "timetable for departure" is he really still leading? Shouldn't Lucy then take over under the Labour Party Rulebook?  This situation was avoided during the Blair-Brown switchover by effectively bullying other candidates out of the race to create a coronation.  A formal leadership ballot was never undertaken so John Prescott did not need to be called in...

Would a Wes Streeting or Andy Burnham Coronation be acceptable to anyone?

Now all of this technical detail is just that.  By now you're probably thinking what do I actually think of Andy Burnham? Well, I remember him at the 2010 hustings for Labour Leader.  He came last.  Unsurprisingly since he was the most wooden performer.  David Miliband was very amusing satirising Peter Mandelson's then new autobiography advert, Ed was okay.  Ed Balls was ... Ed Balls ... Diane Abbot was the token lady.  Andy's campaign was conducted driving around the country in a minibus which lacked a certain glamour but was interesting as regards his later bus related policies... But anyway he seemed like the nice guy who came last or became Mayor Of Manchester...

Now doubtless he's improved in the past 16 years but I find it very hard to believe in Andy Burnham as the saviour of the Labour Party.  That's not to say he wouldn't be a good Prime Minister or leader but it seems to me that like Alec Douglas-Home he seems to represent the seeking of answers from the outside and I don't think the 411 Labour MPs need to go as far as Manchester to find the answers to their problems.  Perhaps the answer is actually as simple as listening to your constituents?  Instead of following along blindly behind such bonkers toxic policies as the abolition of Jury Trials or abolishing the winter fuel allowance.  All self inflicted injuries from the party that has lost it's soul.   Labour has lost the anti-Palestine Genocide vote to the Greens on the left and the anti-Immigration control vote on the right to Reform.  They appear to stand for nothing.  Don't vote Reform because they'll bring in dictatorship?  What is the abolition of Jury Trials? As we've seen in the US Juries are one of the few institutions able to hold would-be dictators like Donald Trump to account?  The splintering of the vote amongst so many parties represents voters feeling there are no good compromises ... a lot more people have cottoned onto the fact tactical voting is actually a trap designed by the two major parties to keep power to themselves...  Don't vote for small parties they said ... You'll get coalition chaos... Instead of which we have majority government chaos?

For all his faults and war crimes, one of the strengths of Tony Blair is he sought to build a broad coalition.  Contrastingly Starmer expelled loads of people from the party for spurious reasons.  Our local CLP Secretary was thrown out due to an "anti-Semitic" tweet.  He was later cleared but too late.  The bridge is burned.  He works for the Greens now ... "If you don't like it leave" seemed to be Keir's attitude.  People did.  And then, as Agatha Christie used to say, there were none.  

I think you'd better come along with us sir

Watching Poirot again, it amazes me how Chief Inspector Japp of the Metropolitan Police turns up all over the country in other independent constabularies which presumably have their own independent chains of command and starts giving out orders as if he hasn't crossed boundary lines.  If I was a policeman living in the West Country in the 1930s I might be a bit annoyed by having a nosey Belgian poking round but bloody Inspector Japp turning up and giving out illegal orders would give me the right hump.

Seriously though early Agatha Christie's Poirot is so cool.  With Clive Exton and Brian Eastman polishing the scripts and top writers like David Renwick and Anthony Horowitz and fantastic production design and 1930s detail it's such a beautiful creation.  The cubist/art deco/futurist titles alone are a masterpiece - years ahead of their time and deploying a mixture or rotoscoping and live action that must have been hugely labour intensive.

Episodes with huge location budgets are offset with episodes sometimes entirely set in single locations or Whitehaven Mansions/ Florin Court.  It's mind blowing too to think that at the same time as this Exton & Eastman were simultaneously producing Jeeves & Wooster who inhabit a similar 1930s timeline replete with 1930s art deco titles.  One could very easily imagine characters moving from one series to the other as they seem to exist in the same pre war Universe... I say, it's not inconceivable that the idle rich upper class twit Arthur Hastings could've also been a member of the drones club with Bertie Wooster and Pongo Twistleton.  What do you think?

Perhaps, Mon Ami, the attention to detail is enhanced by Mr Exton having grown up himself in the 1930s.  This would explain their interest in the rise of Mister Hitler and Mister Mussolini which are common threads throughout both pieces and also their ability to faithfully recreate the period, n'est-ce pas?  We could probably easily confirm this theory if someone had not mislaid the Junior Ganymede Club book...

One of the questions that has vexed me over the years is whether Arthur Hastings is in a business relationship with Poirot or he simply has nothing better to do?  I think both are true. Poirot refers to Hastings as his associate and both Hastings and Miss Lemon are seen to handle his money.  In the Mysterious Adventure at Styles, Hastings explains his ambition to become a detective having encountered Poirot before and in "The Double Clue' Hastings and Felicity Lemon first cogitate on what they will do when and if their partnership breaks up.  Miss Lemon "doesn't want to talk about it".  It is clear Miss Lemon has some kind of unrequited love thing going on and Philip Jackson is on record as saying he played Japp as not quite approving of the strange relationships going on between them.  Whether or not there are any sexual dimensions to these relationships it is clear that both Hastings and Lemon adore Poirot which gives much of the series it's charm and warmth.  I also find it fascinating how Poirot in his own universe has achieved such a level of fame that it actually drives some of the plots - for example a waxwork of him gives him an idea of how to solve a crime.  Indeed, Hastings & Lemon themselves are part of his fan club.  Much comic relief comes from the situations that arise where due to Poirot's  seeming indisposition Hastings has to try and solve a case or part of it on his own...  Poirot is very rarely genuinely indisposed but he uses Hastings sometimes as Holmes uses Dr Watson to lower people's guard.  Poirot can pretend to be stupid but you can't beat the deployment of actual stupidity to ... Despite the format of the whodunnit  it's also fairly easy to identify who the murderer or criminal (not all Poirot's cases are murder) is if we use the psychology, Mon Ami ... as this is often clearly signposted in other ways so the emotional engagement largely comes from relationships between the regulars... which means it's very comforting to watch when one does not want to over-exert the little grey cells ...

The worst sequel of all time - Superman IV?

 

I was discussing the other day online the worst sequels ever made which is a tough call but I think Superman IV just pips the post.  The effects are clunky, Nuclear Man is wooden having more or less no lines and the lack of money is on the screen.  Some of the pecuniary problems could be overcome by a better script but that's all over the place.  It's nice to see Lois back but a lot of the Clark & Superman never being able to meet jokes have been done before.  The nuclear weapons dilemma is never really resolved with Superman saying you have to sort it out yourselves which is a cop out.  Reeves complained at the lack of location filming such as using an industrial park for the United Nations when "everyone knows what the UN looks like".  Well, do they though? I lived in Surrey when it was released and would have no idea what the UN looked like beyond stock footage in Bond films.  Bond never actually went to the UN either - interior sets were rebuilt at Pinewood.  Actually, having been to the UN myself it's a fairly pedestrian concrete building inside with a minimum of distinctive furnishings for diplomatic reasons.  The most interesting thing to see there is some metal welded into strange shapes by the Hiroshima blast ... Gene Hackman returns alongside most of the original regulars but somehow it fails to come alive.  I could nominate another film as the worst sequel but I feel in order to qualify for the title a film must be somewhat watchable rather than unwatchable.  I remember going to see this cycling over from Caterham to Oxted because no one else wanted to go ... But it was clinging onto to the big screen just.  I think we have to exclude films that never had a wide release.  Thus I keep coming back to Superman IV.

One of the problems with Superman is he's so physically powerful who do you put him up against?  Superman - Lex Luther who's of rival intelligence.  Superman II - General Zod and two other Kryptonians of equal power ... the odds stacked 3 to 1.  Superman III - A Supercomputer and play it as a comedy... Then they tried Supergirl who seemed to be up against black magic and Peter Cook?  By Superman IV they're back to Lex Luther again but although Gene gives it his best the dialogue clunks rather than sparkles.  What's so frustrating about Superman IV is there's a good film in there trying to get out... It just doesn't.  It's trapped... Entire chunks such as Lex building a prototype of Nuclearman were apparently thrown on the cutting room floor too so it's clearly been butchered in the editing due to presumably negative test audience reaction.  It is a watchable failure full of the sadness of it never reaching what could have been ... Reeve has never been bettered as Superman and Clark Kent ... Seeming to understand that Clark Kent is a character that Superman is playing which other actors don't seem to have fully cottoned onto... Apparently bits of the deleted footage keep turning up but there'll never be enough to construct a coherent narrative so what we have is an unfinished film and stacks of deleted scene DVD extras... Famously Cannon films was already swirling in the financial toilet bowl ... The Quest for Peace supposedly took them almost round the U-bend... but actually it took $30.2 against a budget of $17 so although not as profitable as the other 80s Superman films it still made a profit... Which is more than can be said for Supergirl which had a budget of $35 million and only made $14.3 million.  Superman although costing $55 million took $300 million.....

Thinking about the anniversary of Hitler's death...

Blondi (Hitler's dog) is on the right.
Braun's dogs and Blondi's puppies
were shot on by Hitler's dog handler
Fritz Tornow.

It's funny how fascists instinctively don't trust science.  Good example, before committing suicide Hitler tested a cyanide pill on his dog Blondi to make sure it would work.  

Man, you just killed 6 million people with cyanide... Why don't you think that it works? 

 And then not content with the test being 100% successful he shot himself simultaneously to taking cyanide... 

So what was the point in the cyanide? 

Barmy as RFK.

Ain't Nobody Got Time To Be A Councillor

Discovering that Morgan McSweeny & Mr Mandelson had a spreadsheet of every potential Labour Councillor and their peccadilloes I was reminded of the time I asked why the vetting to become a Labour Councillor is more intrusive than Developed Vetting which both I and Peter Mandelson have failed largely because the local party were simply unable to find enough people dumb enough to hand over all of their social media profiles to complete strangers to pour over ...

Date sent: Sat, 30 Aug 2025 19:01:24 +0000 (UTC)

From: Me

To: NEC Rep

Subject: Ain't nobody got time to be a Councillor....

Hello

 

https://insidecroydon.com/2025/08/29/labour-makes-last-gasp-appeal-for-council-election-candidates/

 

Why would anyone become a Labour Councillor?  I looked at the form ..... They wanted access to ALL your social media.  I mean I've done DV and they didn't ask for all that... These people are only standing for the Council... Many of them paper candidates who don't have a realistic chance of election anyway....

 

I mean, I know we've had our fair share of candidates who should've been screened out (perverts, conmen and entryists) but it's getting ridiculous 

 

And our rivals Reform (who stood a dead candidate for Mayor) and Your Party (who couldn't organise some libations in a brewery) are unencumbered by all this bureaucracy....

 

Thanks

 

Anthony Miller 

Anthony

Even paper candidates publicly represent the Labour Party and if they say unacceptable things on social media these can be, and are, picked up by the mainstream media and featured on the front pages of our tabloid enemies.  Some maybe trivial, others can be offensive, libellous or worse ...  Though I do think there's a case for being a bit more relaxed about a range of political opinions ...

All good wishes

NEC Rep