I often think of selling my home using a phone number I found advertised on a traffic island...

It is a well known fact that the best way to get the worst deal possible is to appear to be in a hurry to strike a deal.  This is possibly why Borris Johnson’s negotiating technique is to say we “must leave the EU DO OR DIE by October 31^st” – just in case they didn’t know it was fire sale.  There are however always people who need to sell things in a hurry and money is always to be made from them.

Recently, whilst driving around the metropolis, I have passed a lot of signs – usually handmade and sitting in the middle of traffic islands informing me that if I ring a number someone will buy a house off me “in any condition”.  

This has made me faintly curious as to who on earth whilst crossing the road in Waddon suddenly decides that what they really wanted to do is sell their house and, having done so, decides to write down the advertised mobile phone number - particularly give its awkward location ...

  One hopes there is large enough gap in the traffic occasionally and they are prepared to bend down to transcribe it and that they don't get hit by a car while doing so.... 

Presumably when parting with even the smallest London property (say £100,000) even the laziest and most time pressed seller would want to do a teeny weeny bit more research than just writing down this number ... particularly given the potential dangers of getting close enough to read the sign.  Then again maybe not...

Of course I could ring the number myself and pretend to be wanting to sell my own home but I fear that this might be taking curiousity too far and I’d soon find myself mired in a labyrinthine tale of intrigue somewhere between the plot of the Big Sleep and a visit to We Rip You Off For Any Car Dot Com.  So I zoomed in to the picture I took to see if I could see the number more clearly and popped the number into google…

…an advert on gumtree was revealed…

…but further investigation was rendered impossible as it seems to have since been removed and replaced with a picture of a cat in a tie. 

If anyone has any more information or is brave enough to ring the above number … please don’t feel you have to tell me about your experiences.  I am happy for this to remain a mystery to me…

In appreciation of giant sulks...

The outbreak of ex-Prime Ministers attacking the Prime Minister recently has made me strangely nostalgic for Ted Heath.  These days Ted Heath is remembered by remainers as the PM who took us into the E.E.C.U but during his lifetime he was remembered by most people for the longest sulk in history.  It was a tradition up to this point that when they failed, retired or were ousted former Prime Ministers would be “kicked upstairs” to the “other place” House of Lords… as not many people ever get to become Prime Minister twice and sending them to the Lords makes damn sure they can’t be.

Ted was having none of this and was convinced that when Margret Thatcher’s star started to wane he might get another pop at the top job like Harold Wilson, Stanley Baldwin, Ramsay McDonald, Robert Gascoyne-Cecil and William Gladstone…  This was unlikely, of course, because firstly everyone who worked with him said he was cold and aloof (unlike Mrs Thatcher who by her own admission was about as fluffy as iron ore) and secondly because he was a rabid Europhile in a Eurosceptic party.  And thirdly because he was a misery.

So the MP for Bexley sat on the front of the back benches in a vivid blue suit (to match Mrs T’s) where he would slag off his own party’s government for the best part of 25 years.  Perhaps a few more of our ex-leaders should attempt this plan if they want their voices to be heard after they have been ousted.  It may not be the “done thing” but isn’t it actually better than writing memoires, talking to cameras and sitting on boards of directors?

There is an idea that ex-PMs shouldn’t stay in the commons in case they overshadow their successors but frankly if you’re that easily overshadowed you’re a rubbish PM, aren’t you?

So more ex-PMs in the Commons please … assuming it’s ever allowed to re-open…

Brian Damage asks why this anti-Brexit video has resulted in his entire Youtube channel being removed...

https://thejohnfleming.wordpress.com/2019/09/13/musical-comic-brian-damage-has-a-moan-about-youtube-censoring-him/

Brian Damage asks why this anti-Brexit video has resulted in his entire Youtube channel being removed...


Bunch of C*nts 2019 - Brian & Krysstal from Brian Damage on Vimeo.

This Gyimah a laugh...

It is strange indeed when Surrey East has a Liberal Democrat MP.  Samuel Gyimah replaced Peter Ainsworth when he retired who replaced the late Geoffrey Howe when he retired in a seat so safe that it hardly ever seemed worth it to walk round to the polling booth.   After all the place has been Tory since the constituency was created back in 1918.

Long time ago now but I remember something of a to-do when Mr Gyimah was parachuted into the seat via Lord Ashcroft's A list much to the chagrin of local party members... the Daily Mail protested at the time that not one of the candidates offered by CCHQ was a "straight white male".

Oh well, now he's found he agrees with Jo I expect the Brexit Tory Party will select a replacement candidate who is ...

Global Secondary Picketing For Climate Change

(guest post by J R Ewing)

I have to admit to a dislike for the School Strike for Climate Change movement.  Firstly because it’s not actually possible to strike from school – it’s not employment.  You don’t get paid.  Thus really it should be described as “bunking off for climate change”.   Of course these days in the UK (probably thanks to Tony “Education, Education, Education” Blair) education is so important that one’s offspring bunking off can incur a parent a fine of £60, which rises to £120 each if you do not pay within 21 days.  Yes, one’s children bunking off is equivalent now to such great social evils as driving in a bus lane.  One wonders how Greta Thunberg would have got on in a society where her activities are so criminalised.  One is suspicious of political movements that target school children.  Still who needs to go to school when one’s parents are an opera singer and an actor who can pass on such skills as creating a lot of pointless drama and self-publicity…?  

Furthermore even if you’re an adult and you engaged in the Global Strike for Climate Change movement …well, it’s not really a strike is it?  No one’s withdrawing their labour for better pay.  You know most of the people on these demonstrations wouldn’t have the bottle to actually withdraw their labour from their employers because they might get handed their cards so we have the farcical situation of the TUC negotiating with unions and employers to get time off for workers to attend the “strikes”.  Not much of a strike if it doesn’t inconvenience anybody, is it?  These people hanker after the glamour of industrial action but one suspects very few of them would actually take any … because the workers don’t have any real say anymore.  That and it might involve self-sacrifice. 

Secondly - and possibly more importanly - if people want to protest about climate change why does it have to be cloaked in the language of “strikes” at all?  Or is that my first point repeated?  Hum ... but...  The idea of standing up to the boss is very emotive but, of course, there is no real boss to stand up to here – it is the people disputing with the people.  Indeed, calling something a strike when there is no actual labour dispute identifiable is bordering on the illegal practice of secondary picketing.  Note to any flying climate change pickets – you’re only allowed 6 people on a picket line which I presume makes all these rallies completely illegal in their entirety.

Still, in a world where we seldom see the operatics of large scale industrial action anymore perhaps these pseudo "srtikes" give people a sense of power that is sadly lacking in the 21st century since most post-modern day industrial relations are usually just a lady one has never met before in HR handing one one's P45 in an envelope and asking in a soft voice if there's "anything (she) can do to help"?  Top tip: the answer is not "resign so that we can pay my wages out of your salary".

I’m not sure either why ordinary service based businesses are responsible for the perceived sins of those of us who’ve actually worked in the evil behemoth that is primary industry.  Couldn’t they find a power station or nodding donkey to picket?  Okay it might be difficult to picket an oil rig in the North Sea but there are plenty of land wells in Iraq.  Now that would be a day out…

In all my years in primary industry the only time I remember anyone picketing a refinery was when the government put up duty on petrol - then they were round there faster than you can say "Maggie Maggie Maggie!  Out out out!" (see here)

Somebody said on twitter that strike does not have to mean industrial action but I think if it came to it that might be disputed ...

Protesting is legal but mass picketing isn't legal in the UK - Trade Disputes and Trade Unions Act 1927 (brought in after the General Strike). 

Secondary picketing was banned by the late Mrs Thatcher under the Employment Act 1980. 

And a secret ballot before srike action was made mandatory by her later legislation - the Trade Union Act 1984.  This might explain why the Unions feel they have to negotiate with employers for time off to protest... as they may be liable to a fine if...

Not that this is right but it is so ... so I say so ... there's a reason strikes generate so much legislation - it's because they are about not working... and if there's one think the government really doesn't want... it's us to stop working.

The definition of stupidity is doing something "whatever the circumstances"?

Mr Watson and other senior Labour figures, including shadow Brexit secretary Sir Keir Starmer, say they will campaign to stay in the EU in any circumstances.

The Cabinet Office say the UK will be leaving the EU on 31 October whatever the circumstances. We must respect the referendum result.

Surely the definition of stupidity is doing something "whatever the circumstances"?   


I mean what if Tom & Boris are both devoured by a giant alien shape shifting squid creature that eats the Queen and can't be destroyed even by a nuclear strike... 

... What then? 

The UK will be leaving the EU on 31 October whatever the circumstances

You’re receiving this email because you signed this petition: “Do not prorogue Parliament”. To unsubscribe from getting emails about this petition: https://petition.parliament.uk/signatures/74166777/unsubscribe?token=UawSAhFasLa8Z1YKFEfV Dear Anthony Miller, The Government has responded to the petition you signed – “Do not prorogue Parliament”. Government responded: Prorogation is a prerogative Act of the Crown, exercised on the advice of Ministers. We must respect the referendum result and the UK will be leaving the EU on 31 October whatever the circumstances. The UK will be leaving the EU on 31 October whatever the circumstances. We must respect the referendum result. Prorogation is a prerogative Act of the Crown, exercised on the advice of Ministers, to bring about the end of the parliamentary session. The royal prerogative is the term used to describe the powers held by Government Ministers, either in their own right, or through the advice they provide to the Queen which she is bound constitutionally to follow. The Government determines the length of a parliamentary session and advises the Queen on the date for the beginning of the next parliamentary session. The beginning of the next session is marked by the State Opening of Parliament during which the Queen delivers the Queen’s Speech. The Queen’s Speech sets out the programme of legislation the Government intends to pursue in the forthcoming parliamentary session. As the Prime Minister said in his statement on 2 September 2019, the Government has committed to recruiting another 20,000 police officers, improving both NHS and schools funding, and completing 20 new hospital upgrades. It is to progress the Government’s agenda on these and many other fronts that the Prime Minister has sought to commence a new session of Parliament in October. Parliament is only dissolved before a General Election. Dissolution brings an end to a Parliament. The effect of a dissolution is all business comes to an end and every seat in the House of Commons is vacated until a General Election is held. Under the Fixed-term Parliaments Act 2011, General Elections are now automatically held every five years and the next general election is scheduled for May 2022. The Fixed-term Parliaments Act removed the prerogative power to dissolve Parliament; no longer can the Prime Minister advise the sovereign to dissolve Parliament and call a General Election. The Fixed-term Parliaments Act also provides the basis on which an early General Election can be triggered: 1. If a motion for an early general election is agreed either by at least two-thirds of the whole House of Commons or without a vote; or 2. If a motion of ‘no confidence’, in the terms set out in the Fixed-term Parliaments Act, is passed and no subsequent motion expressing confidence in Her Majesty’s Government is passed by the Commons within 14 days. In the event of an early-general election, the Fixed-term Parliaments Act allows the Prime Minister to recommend a suitable polling day to the Queen. There will be a Royal Proclamation to set the date. Parliament is then automatically dissolved 25 working days before polling day. The Government would prefer to leave the EU with a deal and will work in an energetic and determined way to get a better deal. The Government is very willing to sit down with the Commission and EU Member States to talk about what needs to be done to achieve that. The Prime Minister has said an election needs to take place ahead of the European Council on 17 to 18 October. This would allow the Prime Minister to go to the European Council with a clear mandate from the British people to deliver the referendum result. Cabinet Office

Humm.  Surely if we're leaving "whatever the circumstances" there's no actual pressure on the EU to agree a deal as they know we're going to leave however bad a deal we get...?