Dearest Donald,
I do a apologise most sincerely for bringing you a lump of coal for Christmas last year. However, I regret to inform you that this is because, as I have previously explained on numerous occasions, you are near (if not at the) top of my naughty list.
You have been on my naughty list in some form or other since approximately 1973 when you hired Roy Cohn (a Mafia Consigliere) to counter-sue the US government for charging you with racial discrimination practices. Since then, I regret to inform you that the amount of naughtiness reported to my Elves and recorded in my ledger has only increased manyfold. Particularly since January 6th 2021.
.jpeg)
I feel I should also add that under normal circumstances Santa Clause Inc (a wholly privately owned charitable trust funded entirely by Elvenfolk) stops visitations to all persons at Christmas altogether when they reach the age of legal or sexual maturity.
"Donald should continue to get visits from Santa at Christmas because he is a big baby who will throw all his toys out of his pram if he does not get what he wants".
On that note I feel I must also add that although you claim not to have a need for any "coal based presents" your current threatening letters stating your intention to invade Greenland, lay waste to my Elvic warehouse and plunder our country for its natural resources suggested to me that a bit of fossil fuel was, in fact, exactly what you were after. You just didn't know it until now...
Therefore, I hope you will accept the coal based gifts I have been dispensing over the past 50 years as merely an ongoing element of the complex trading negotiations between our two nations.
Ho ho ho!
Your ever avuncular
Santa Claus
The North Pole
123 Elf Road
88888
Greenland
PS Although I mainly live in Greenland these days I feel I should also mention that the Warehouse at the North Pole itself is actually under the jurisdiction of the International Seabed authority.
No comments:
Post a Comment