Now I’m the first to send up cultural appropriation and
astrology but will someone other than me tell the Kellogg Company that if you
are going to talk nonsense about people’s futures then you should at least try
on some level to appreciate that the craft is … at least crafted? I mean call me a scientist but this is enough
to make Russell Grant turn in his grave – or would be if he wasn’t still alive.
Firstly the primary element of any type of soothsaying is surprise
and frankly there’s zero surprise to be had when one’s fortune is written not
in the stars, inside a fortune cookie or in the tealeaves but on the OUTSIDE of
a cardboard box. Because it is possible
to know exactly what fortune you are going to have when you pick the packet up
in the supermarket. Indeed, those
seriously concerned for their future happiness who believe in the fortune
telling ability of Pop Tarts can in fact simply go through all the packets in
the shop in order to find the one packet promising the future they most
like. Only when the shop runs low on
stock is there any element of chance or fate.
Furthermore even Russell Grant – a purveyor of pure pastures
– makes some effort to involve the signs of the Zodiac. It’s not a horrorscope if it doesn’t depend
on when you were born. When I was born
the stars were in such an unfavourable conjunction that astrologers are divided
as to whether I am Scorpio or Sagittarius so I always have conflicting futures
according to different newspapers. But
that’s not the point. The point is that if you are going to dabble in the world of
the supernatural then you should do some basic research on the subject because
it is very dangerous to meddle in things you don’t understand. Indeed, I think I should end this blog here
before I cause Pop Tarts the substantial damage to her reputation, as well as
hurt, distress and embarrassment that Psychic Sally suffered …
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