Shifting the Johanna

 "Right," said mum, "Sell off the piano

I'm too old and it has got to go."

Tried to sell it, nobody would buy it

We was getting nowhere

And so, we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," I said, British Heart Foundation

They take furniture, I'm, sure it'll go 

Emailed - nuffin. Rang but they was busy.

Communication breakdowns

And so, we had a cuppa tea

And so I had a think

And tried piano traders

who complained its overdampered

and straight strung - even ebay got no one

So it did no good

Well, I never thought it would

"Well," mum said, "The keys are real ivory

You owe it to elephant that died."

One whole elephant just make the key fronts

He was haunting me bad and so!

I said, "Let's have another cuppa tea."

And the buyers said no...

"All right," said I, "Maybe if we tune it

Then some mug will take the so-and-so."

150 nicker just to get rid of ya

And it got us nowhere

And so, we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," said I, "Have to call the Council

Book a bulky waste delivery" but "No

you can't, it's antique - bits are made of teak"

I was getting nowhere

And so, we had a cuppa tea

So I had a think, and then I said, "Look, mum

I got a sort of feelin'

If we tune it in and wires start snapping

It wont just cost a ton or two

You'll lose tonnes and tones of dough."

"All right," said mum, "I guess no one will buy it

but put it up on Gumtree.  Hope that it will go

Hundreds of them on there

Looking for mug punters

So mummy and me had another cuppa tea

And it stayed at home